Easter recap (with loads of pictures)

The Easter post that almost wasn't... (I will figure you out someday, Photoshop Elements!) (sick of hearing that yet?)

We spent Thursday night through Saturday night at hubby's aunt's farm. We planned a bunch of activities to keep the kiddos busy and it worked out pretty well! I forgot the fancy ole camera but did snap a few of the egg dying shenanigans with my phone. They played outside for some of it, but the wind was insane so that time was limited. We had just the right amount of toys/puzzles/bikes/coloring supplies to keep them busy, and we visited hubby's grandparents to change up the scenery. Here are the pictures from the annual egg dying. The kids were a little bored with it at first, although I can't blame them since all you do is watch the eggs slowly turn colors in a cup. Thankfully, my SIL had also found some pen-like things so the kids could color all over them in the meantime. It really helped keep their attention and we got done in no time, just before their attention span ran out.

After driving back to town from 8:00 PM to 10:30 PM (should have left earlier but clearly wasn't thinking about what time we'd get back... more just about what time we left which coincided with bed time. Of course the kids didn't sleep in the car hardly at all so that was pointless), we cleaned up the best we could, hid the Easter baskets, brined the meat that hubby was going to smoke the next day (seriously a work of art), and went to bed. The next day, the kids got up, ate breakfast, got dressed and went on the hunt.

lfb's on the left in the hall closet, Josie's in the middle in the blanket basket in the living room, and Audrey's on the China hutch in the dining room

This is the first year that they really "got" that they were supposed to look for the basket and that it was full of goodies for them. It was so.much.fun to watch them light up when they found them. We didn't leave enough time for them to play with any of the toys in the baskets, but they weren't too upset to leave for church. Whew. Crisis averted. (In the baskets: Easter themed books, box of kid cookies, magnet sets for each kids, and some dry erase crayons for the eisel they also received that has a white magnetic board on one side and a felt board on the other.) 

They helped each other with some verbal cues from auntie Lara

After church, the kids went right to bed (amazingly, with no problems since they hadn't slept well all weekend) and hubby and I prepped some food for our later afternoon lunch with my side of the family. It went perfectly and neither of us felt stressed out. We had thought with jamming so much in one weekend we'd be overwhelmed but it wasn't bad at all. Family started arriving, we ate our feast of all things amazing, and the kids played outside in the beautiful weather. Praise the Lord for that weather, let me tell you. It would have taken A LOT to spoil this almost perfect day.

We had also laid out a bunch of plastic eggs around the backyard for the kids to "find." I was shocked when all three totally understood what to do! Audrey's joy in finding another one was completely contagious. There was no fighting and they all got to eat a bunch of candy (the only candy we had for Easter). Have I mentioned how wonderful this day was?

My cousin's son Jackson and his Marmee (my aunt Lynne)

It was such a great weekend. Family time, even all packed together, always leaves some legitimate good memories. We wouldn't want it any other way! And of course - the reason we were celebrating was not forgotten. Church (the first holiday we've been in town for) was so great with children dedications and baptisms, great worship, and a great message. Seeing Christ's love for us through children's eyes makes it all the more exciting and just all the more real. He is Risen! We mustn't forget!

Matchy matchy

Sometimes I dress the girls up to match. It can't be too much matching, though, before it becomes over the top. So matching skirts, similar headbands, leggings, and smiles. We'll call that juuuuuuust perfect. (Headbands from this etsy shop.) We layer up around here to accommodate the 30+ degree temp changes each day. 

This weekend, Josie declared she was ready to go swimming. I'm right there with you, girly.

I'm still in the process of editing a few Easter pictures... weekend recap (a week late?) coming soon!

Family, pictures, birthdays, (Summary of the weekend)

We celebrated my sister's birthday this weekend! We played it safe by going to a (loud) family friendly restaurant, Mexican style (a favorite for sure). It's always nice to have more adults than kids when eating out. :)

Afterwards, hubby and the kids headed home, and my sister, dad (mom couldn't make it which was a bummer), and I went out for a drink.

twinsies... or father and daughter

Dad headed home, and then the party started ;). We rarely go "out" together, so we were just excited to be kid free for a little while. Of course we love those kiddos, but it's nice to be able to complete a sentence without interruption every couple of words. You get it, right?

We met up with a couple of friends, sang karaoke (one song only - I'm terrrrible at it. think choir singer not radio popstar), and people watched. Perfect!

Auntie is rare in that when it's her birthday, she buys gifts for others. Her love language is giving gifts, all year round to anyone and everyone. One of the gifts was matching jackets for the girls. I.can't.even. Look at those eager and willing models.

It was a fun weekend. Sunday was low key with an experimental trip to Costco (we used to go to Sam's... can't decide which I like better, what are your thoughts/opinions?) and some down time at home which was very much needed. All in all, I have no complaints. (Well, don't get me start on this "Spring" weather...)

You've got to love low quality phone photos... soon I'll start using/posting pictures from my real camera that are properly edited with PSE (photoshop elements). It's just so overwhelming... One step at a time.

In the meantime...

Outside! Sun! Hats! Smiles! It's sooo so so good around here this week.

I've been meaning to come here and dump some stories and photos, but I'm feeling a little held back. I purchased Photoshop Elements and am experiencing quite the learning curve. I feel a little ridiculous, like I'm learning whats a computer is for the first time. So while I figure out how in the world to organize, edit, and get pictures on here, I'll show you some low quality phone pictures (and include a few short stories too).

Josie and Audrey are such typical sisters these days. Josie is constantly taking over what Audrey is doing, telling her how to play, what to play, and where to play. Audrey is learning what buttons to push with her big sister and the screaming is constant (or so it feels) and coming from all directions. But then, there is this sweetness. For example, cheerios are often snacked on after breakfast in the living room (the only food allowed in here). Josie will make sure to give her little sis a handful on the table to make sure she gets a good snack too. If it looks like Audrey has finished her handful, it is promptly replaced. Jo will get her milk and bring it to her (much to my disliking - no milk in the living room!) and will get her a chair and insist that she sit on it right by the table. It can be very sweet.

Josie is so emotional, it seems, all the time. It's quite exhausting for everyone, the constant screaming, hands thrown over her face, laying on the floor, and huge tears all day long. She gets so sad and makes sure to tell us "I was sad about that" when she's ready to move on. Audrey's tantrums are completely different. They are short (but not sweet) and include cute little feet stamping. It's cute now, but I hope she outgrows it. ;) She knows how to scream but is easy to distract. I much prefer her tantrums over the 2 1/2 year old versions.

Conversations are more and more fun. Audrey is talking up a storm, and she is putting more words together to get little thoughts and sentences expressed. Can we just talk about how rewarding it is for all of us when we understand what she is pointing at or wants because she can tell us? And the lfb is also doing awesome with this. He has a speech delay that we've been working on (with professional help too) and lately it's just improving with leaps and bounds. There is a whole lot of learning going on around here. It's just exciting.

Now of course, the real talker that steals the show is big sis Josie. She reads to her sister (and has actually  memorized quite a few stories we have laying around). She asks questions (I love it) and points out all she sees. She gets this cute little frown on her face when she is sincerely asking something she doesn't understand. She sings. Sometimes she even sings right on key. As with every other little girl, she loves the "Let it go" movie and sings all the songs. Her mama may or may not encourage that by singing them too. It's like a living musical around here, much to daddy's dismay.

So that is a snippet of what is going on around here. We are outside a lot (which means I am running around with my head cut off trying to corral all the cattle kids) and the girls are remembering what it's like to sit in the stroller for 45+ minutes while I run/walk in the glorious sunshine. It's been a little trying, especially when one of them screams for over half of it (ahem, AJ), but overall we are enjoying life and this beautiful weather that we've been waiting all winter for. 

Clean it up, the house and the 'tude

In an effort to get myself out of the funk I've been in lately, I kicked myself in the pants and got to work around the house. Laundry going, dishwasher going, coffee maker going (well, that was more of a bonus than "work"), I search around for a good Spring Cleaning Checklist and printed it off.

Then, I proceeded to get busy with other things that weren't on that checklist. Still being productive projects, I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but ohmygoodness my attention span is so low.

What did I do, you ask? Well, I painted the last corner in the living room/entryway. That's big, y'all. My hubby is a perfectionist when it comes to everything painting, so he typically doesn't let me do it (poor me, right?) but lately, he's been so swamped in work/home projects that painting has been pushed out of sight on his to do list. 

Not on mine though... :)

So that's done! Not as good as if he had done it, but good enough.

Also, I took apart and cleaned our disgusting vacuum. Ever since he helped clean up some of our old dog's messes, it smells like...dog mess. 

It's not pretty. I so hope what I did to clean it helped, because as I was taking it apart, I noticed that it has a few features that I never even knew about that would be really really nice to use. This project took over an hour. Have I mentioned how badly I hope doing this helped?

With that wall painted and the vacuum (hopefully) ready for business, I'm hoping to tackle that huge long cleaning checklist and pray that the busyness keeps me from being too gloomy. 

Snap out of it, self! <--- a="" br="" day.="" hasn="" helped="" i="" it="" much="" multiple="" myself="" nbsp="" t="" tell="" times="" what="" yet...="">

Audrey says

The first one! She's talking more and more, and it's time we start documenting it. Mostly, we get cute little one or two word phrases, like "Uppy! (Up please)" or "Mo Mikka! (More milk)", but we had a winner the other day when my parents came inside after just getting back from an errand.

Papa: Is anyone here? Who needs a hug?!
Hear the crickets chirp as the big kids continue playing, totally oblivious. Grammy and Papa started walking down the hallway towards the voices in the bedrooms until they heard little running footsteps from the dining room followed by a little voice yelling, "Me me me me!"

Girlfriend loves her hugs and kisses. She loves to pucker up at an unsuspecting family member and often times they come in sets. You don't just get one kiss, you get four or five. It's possibly my favorite part of life right now. It's that good.

Josie says

She says a lot of funny things, but I've been terrible at writing them down. Here are a few from the past couple of weeks.

Josie, walking up to the lfb while addressing Audrey over her shoulder: "I'll ask {him}, Audrey." 

To the lfb, who had been playing quietly by himself: "Are you happy? Say: I am! You're married to me now! Come on, we got married." Then she took his hand and dragged him down the hallway, his face showing his lack of excitement the whole way. I have a feeling that marriage is doomed.

After a man came to buy a few chairs we had sold via craigslist, Josie was very concerned.
Josie: Where did our chairs go??
Me: That man bought them from us so he's going to take them to his house.
Josie, after thinking quietly for a while: Can we move it back in here? Now we won't have ANYTHING left...
She continued to ask us if we could put a chair over there (the entryway) and if we could have those chairs back, no matter how many times I showed her that we already had a new chair for the old chair's spot. She was very concerned...

While driving one day.
Me: Josie, how high can you count?
Josie: Um, no thank you... What?? Now, she has manners?
Me: Oh...ok, you don't want to count?
Josie: No, I'm learning about the road.
Me: Well, I can help you..? One...
Josie very loudly to speak over me: Road road road! Snow snow snow, road road road!
I'm not nearly entertaining enough.

She's figured out that all injuries feel better if they get kissed. After hurting her finger one day, auntie was determined to make her feel better.
Auntie Lara: Josie, can I kiss your finger?
Josie, speaking mournfully: Yeah... can you just take it off?

Generally speaking, she doesn't have too many words or phrases that she just can't figure out, but we've had a few lately that have had us in stitches (behind our hands of course, so that she wouldn't see us holding back the laughter).

We have a book called "Commotion in the Ocean." She calls it "Da - Ka-ma-shun in Ocean" no matter how many times we say it slowly.

We go to a small group once a week called "Missional Community." She is usually pretty excited when she's mentioning it, so it comes out like "Mishadee amudadity!!"

One of the bible songs she's picked up is Fisher's of Men. All day long, you will hear her saying "Bisherament! Bisherament, Bisherament!" Even when I pointed out that the song is about fishing (no, I realize what the point of the song is...), she nodded enthusiastically and repeated "bisherament! Follow me, bisherament!"

Later today, I'll be posting the very first Audrey Says post. Aren't you excited??

Weather = 3, Sarah = 0

When it's even remotely nice out, you will find us bundling up to get outside. The weather has been unpredictable and it seems that I've lost my ability to prepare for it. 

One day, we headed to the park with coats, hats, and boots. We got there and realized that we didn't have any gloves or mittens. I told myself that we would play for a while and then head home, earlier than I had originally planned. Remember that kids don't feel the cold. They just see the fun. They are not very responsible... As we stayed there, though, I realized that it was a lot colder than it had seemed when we were at home. So the lfb got to wear my gloves (so lovely with his camo boots), Audrey had mittens of her own (do I get points for one out of three kids?) and Josie got to wrap her hands in a blanket on the way home. Parenting win.

Another day, while the lfb was at school, I decided to bring the girls on a long walk, opposed to the usual "around the block" walk that only takes about fifteen minutes. We bundled up. It was intense. Gloves, mittens, scarves, boots, hats, coats, sweatshirts under coats, even a blanket. After going only a block, we had stripped almost all of it off because even sitting perfectly still in the stroller, the girls were hot. March weather continues to be a mystery to me.

Yesterday, we went back to the park (I have a feeling many a story will take place in this park since it's so close to our home). Surrounding the playground equipment is what appears to be a pond. Don't be fooled though, it's just an overflow of melted snow. We all had rainboots on so we walked right through it to get to the raised playground. The big kids couldn't believe how much fun it was to walk through all of that water. It was at least six inches in a few spots, so they went nuts. Seeing that they had those lovely boots on and we were only a block from home, I let them have at it. I mean, the joy on their faces! So much water.

I was assisting Audrey on the steps and slide (when did she get so big?? She only needs me a little bit here and there. Cue the tears.). I looked back over at Josie to see her dipping her gloves right in the water. Nooo! It wasn't warm. It just wasn't frozen. After a stern conversation about not freezing to death, she resumed. I told myself that we'd have to go home a little earlier so she wouldn't get too cold.

Then she fell, one knee completely in the water. Guess we'll go home even earlier. I tried to get as much of the excess water off of her gloves and pants, and she continued on, not letting a little freezing water deter her.




Less than two minutes later, she fell down again. This time, she soaked everything. I think I saw it happen in slow motion. The girl was soaked. I guess we're leaving now. We ran to the stroller, loaded up, threw the blanket over the freezing cold Josie, and walked as fast as one can walk pushing a double stroller home.

Our lfb was devastated to leave, but I assured him we'd continue playing outside after Josie changed clothes.

And that is exactly what we did. She warmed up immediately and we played outside until hubby got home. It was so great. Our plain old driveway with a train attached to a string and our umbrella stroller was enough to keep that grinning from ear to ear.

Anticipation for the nicer weather is raging over here.

I have a "Josie says" post in the making and it's a bit of a doozy. Stay tuned, friends!

Focus of late

As I sit here, Josie is reading out loud to herself, telling me all about what is going on in her story. 

It's my favorite thing. She's very animated. 

Our lfb is eating breakfast and Audrey is playing with her stroller and baby (pig). It's a quiet morning. I'm so grateful for it. It doesn't seem very nice outside and I was worried that the day would start out on the wrong foot. Dodged that bullet...

Life has been so hum drum lately. I don't necessarily mean that in a negative way, since I've actually worked really hard to get to this point. We were so overwhelmed with life last Fall. It took a lot out of us. I spent almost all of this Winter reducing, reducing, reducing our commitments and expectations. I worked really hard on the kids' behaviors so that we could stand to be around each other. That's no joke, either. It's not as easy as you'd think to like being around each other all the time. It's my goal, though. I chose this life, and I want to enjoy it. 

I worked on my attitude. I'm still working on it. Truthfully, my attitude affects everyone else's tremendously. If I wake up grumpy, you can bet money on us all having a bad day. If I refuse to be brought down by one kid's bad attitude, eventually he or she cheers up and we are all smiley and happy. There's a lot of pressure in that, though. It's not in my nature to be happy all the time.

So my focus needs to shift a little bit. To continue in that path, I need to outwardly rely on Jesus. It's impossible for me to sustain a great mood forever, but guess what? Nothing is impossible for Him. Devotions with the kids, a daily "worship session" of music and dancing to our bible songs, reading children's bibles and stories, praying with them throughout the day. I've been lacking in this area lately and I am feeling so convicted. 

This life needs to be more than just getting through each day. I want my kids to know that too. Intentional living and living for Christ. Big goals, but doable goals.

(And as always, what's on my heart pours out when I least expect it.)

Reusing this picture, because I like it, and because my camera has been recently abandoned. 

A welcome shift

Well good morning!

Was that annoying? Sorry. It's just so wonderful to have temps above 30. I'm pretty sure we were all but skipping around yesterday, so happy to just be alive enjoying the warmth. It's so relative, isn't it? 30 degrees is not warm by any means but in comparison to our long dreadful winter, it just feels heavenly.

I'm dreaming of gardening right now. Dreaming is putting it lightly, though. Obsessing, that's more like it. Hubby and I have been tiptoeing around the idea of a small greenhouse and I have planted most of the indoor starter plants that now reside right next to my side of the bed (where they can get the best light away from little baby hands). 

I'm also dreaming of muddy hands and boots stomping around outside. who would have thought that I would dream of that? But I long for the days when we can run outside with just a sweatshirt or t-shirt, playing for hours without chapped cheeks and snotty noses. It's coming! I can feel it.

Saying that, of course, I feel I need to acknowledge that I know that winter is not entirely over. I'm sure we'll get more snow, but at least it won't be built up on top of the rest of winter's snow! It's melting away.

Spring is coming. 

On another note, the kids have been so great lately, playing together, independently, telling me stories, making me laugh. It's just been fun to be around them. This shift came at the perfect time (Thank you Jesus) because I was feeling low. And now I'm not. 

It's a relief.

How was your weekend?

A photo story with some unrelated words thrown in

The flu struck again! For real, it was an ugly weekend 'round here. Josie started this time around, I quickly followed, and hubby was next. Today, our lfb stayed home from school and we are all just quiet. and semi-calm (except one little take-every-towel-out-of-the-hall-closet-for-fun incident that happened this morning). Nap time rolled around, and they were all out like a light.

It's a strange Monday for sure. 

I have a ton of book work to do for the business and I really really don't want to do it. Tonight. Tonight I'll power through. 

For now, I'll procrastinate by writing this lovely little update. It's lovely, no?

And for fun, some pictures thrown in.

My bed, growing up, was built into the wall and had storage underneath. My sister and I played under here all the time as kids. My kids got to play with my sister under here too! Oh what fun.

The girls have decided that we wake up at 6:20. Hubby and I have decided that we reject that and every single morning, we put them back to bed hoping for 40 more minutes. For this reason, I am over-the-top excited for daylight savings time (this weekend!). I will trick them into sleeping in! Mom win!

Not a lot of space under the old twin bed.

The lovely flu helped me lose another 3 pounds. It's the silver lining. I'm taking it. I'm now officially at prepregnancy weight before Miss Audrey Joy. Finally. Now I'm shooting for prepregnancy weight before Miss Josie Grace. 10 more pounds to go for that!

Their love is real.

I took pictures of our living room to show you how finished and beautiful it is, and then decided to scrap the whole post. You see, as I was looking over the pictures, I noticed that the room is not, in fact, finished. We have since painted another wall, put in some built in cabinets, and put away some of the junk that was laid out around those lovely photos. What was I thinking, exactly, when I took those pictures? Who knows...

So I'll try again. Sometime. Maybe.

Now how to get out....

I decided to embrace the wintery cozy bluesfest that has been happening around here lately, and we've been watching movies under blankets like nobody's business. Unfortunately, I'm getting sick of it and winter is still not done. I'll spare you all of the whiny drama junk that we are all itching to wallow in, but ugh. I'm ready for greenery out these nice big windows. 

Sometimes I get lucky with a glimpse of her sweetness.

Josie has been ultra sweet lately. Less back talking (we've been working so hard on this), more first time obedience (at home and even better - out and about in public), sweet conversations, etc. Meanwhile, Audrey is embracing her inner toddler. In ways that Josie never did, she's embracing it. Her new favorite thing is smacking anyone and everyone within an arm's distance from her. She also knows how to scream. Loud. Lordy, this house is truly a circus.

And to finish this lovely (random) post up, here is a little preview of an average evening in our house (our lfb was here too, but cropped out for privacy).

Oh hey Mom! We're kind of busy over here if you don't mind.

Josie: Too cool for school these days (school=what everyone else is doing)

Uh oh. Audrey  noticed.
Audrey: Sister! How dare you read that book whilst we have this wonderful narrator over here.

Josie: Well,  I do like  Old McDonald...
Audrey for the win!
And goodnight.

Educate yourself: Meeting a new foster kid unexpectedly

Before we started our journey into foster care, we were completely clueless to almost all of it. Besides the occasional horror stories or the heroic people with 10-30 kids in and out of their homes throughout their lives, we lived pretty much oblivious to it. 

We knew the basics. Foster care is necessary because there are children that temporarily need a safe place to live, learn, and grow. Got it. But beyond that, we didn't even venture to think about what that world looked like. As we started looking into it, we started to notice it happening around us. There were other people also looking into it. Some of them even had foster children already living with them. Personally, I was fascinated to watch the family dynamics as they figured out how to make life work with a new child that was scared, confused, angry, and just ... new to them. 

And then I hit a wall. You know the wall, where you aren't sure what is appropriate to say, how much you can observe without making them feel awkward, wondering if there is something you can do to help or if you should just pretend like there's nothing different happening. I was so uncomfortable because I was clueless. My gut reaction was to ignore the child and resume life like she wasn't there. Now, looking back, I wish I wouldn't have done that. Sure, we were always in a large group of people so it wasn't super obvious to the child that I, personally, was ignoring her. But remember, if I was feeling like that, almost everyone else in the room was too, and she could feel that. If I had made the point to go to talk to her, I probably would have made it a little easier for her. 

We went through vigorous amounts of training (well, to us it felt vigorous) to get licensed, and then we learned a lot through trial and error because we were living it. But what about when you aren't living it day to day? What about when a friend or family member has a foster child? What then? How do you know what to do or say to this foster child or to the parents? It's hard. I get that. But you can be educated in this. "Who, me?" You ask? YES. You can be educated without having to physically be a foster parent. 

I'm putting together a few posts here that will give you some insight on the average foster care situation. Every situation is different, so discretion is important, but generally, knowing something is better than nothing, right? (This will be a series, so check back periodically for updates.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scenario: You run into us (family event, out in public, church, etc) and don't know that we have a foster child, so that in and of itself is surprising. Trying to cover up your embarrassment, you word vomit all over the place (asking us tons of questions is the primary way this happens) or completely ignore the child. I'll address the latter first. 

It seems obvious, but trust me. It isn't as obvious as you'd think when you are feeling the awkwardness. Don't just ignore the child. Yes, you already know our other two kids very well. Yes, they are charming and sweet and don't mind one bit taking all that attention. Yes, the foster kid is quiet and doesn't necessarily seek your attention. Here's the thing, though. It doesn't mean he doesn't want it. It means he is scared, uncomfortable, and a little bewildered. He doesn't know how to introduce himself. He doesn't know if you care even a little bit about him (and yes, you really may not care about him at this point, but he doesn't need to know that. Please don't make it so obvious). All he knows is that you know and love the family he is staying with. Note that I said "staying with" instead of "his". He is painfully aware that this family he's with is not his family. When he is treated differently than our other kids, it just rubs it in. You may not purposefully try to treat him differently. We know that, and we are not judging you for feeling awkward!

How you proceed at this point is so important. Here are a few tips. Instead of nervously laughing and brushing the kid off, nervously laugh and get down to the kid's level. Seriously. Get down and look him in the eyes. Say something like this, "Well I don't think I've met you yet! What is your name? How old are you? Aren't you sweet? I'm so glad you are here!"

That's it! Next time you see us, you can pick up where you left off, "Well hey there ____! Glad you are here! (see the theme?) Can you pound it? (fist pump, high five, whatever)" You see? That's the same thing you say to our other kids at this point. You've met them, it's not strange anymore. It's just that initial meeting that is awkward. Like I said, we get that. We've been there ourselves. There is no judgement here, just more information and tips to overcome it.

The other side of this scenario is what you say to us, the foster parents. You have questions. You are confused and don't have any clue what to ask. Biggest tip I can say and I stress this sooooo much: Filter what you ask in front of the foster kid! Discretion is key here. This kid is listening to everything trying to fill in the blanks to what he knows and doesn't know. He may think we aren't telling him everything, so he's listening extra close even when we think he's not.

What is appropriate to ask in front of the child: How long has he been living with you? Is he going to school? What does he enjoy doing (hobbies or interests)?

And that's about it. You see, most of the information you want to know isn't able to be worded in a way that won't possibly hurt the child. 

Here are a few examples of what you shouldn't ask: 

• Oh! Is here a foster kid? (The words "foster kid" pick up a negative connotation over time unfortunately. It just points how his differences. It's better to just stick with asking what his name is and how long he's been with us.) 
• How long will he be with you? (We rarely know and he's wondering too so if we give you a time frame and it's wrong, he could be devastated and we wouldn't even realize that he had overheard that information.) 
• Do you know why he's in foster care? (Do you want us to explain to you in front of him how his parents made mistakes? Would you like us to shame talk the people he loves the most?) 
• How's it going? (Would you like me to tell you in front of him how hard it's been on us? Would you like for us to share his every emotion and struggle since joining us?) 

Also, if there is something you can see physically that is different about the kid, let's not bring it up in front of him, ok? To put this into context, let's say that you had no ears. How do you think you'd feel if every single time you ran into someone new, they pointed that out? How would you feel if they kind of made a face of surprise and maybe frowned a little too? Wouldn't that be shameful? Well, children feel those same feelings. It's better to just ignore your curiosity. Google can be your friend. Fill that curiosity on your own instead of at the expense of the kid. If it really really bothers you, shoot me a text or email. I don't mind informing you on basic things, but the kid doesn't need to be present or listening to every little thing. If you do this, though, don't be offended if I don't answer every single thing you ask. You can ask anything you want (out of the ear range of the kid) but I won't necessarily answer every question. Which leads me to my next point.

Some of it truly isn't any of your business. I know that sounds curt and rude. Look at it from his family's point of view, though. This is their child. You, a complete stranger to them, are asking questions about their health, mental well being, parenting abilities, etc, only to fill your curiosity. It sounds familiar, doesn't it? ... kind of like gossip? It's incredibly hard for us as the foster parents to filter what we are sharing with those around us. I know you have good intentions. You care about us and want to understand it more. Hey, I am the same way! It's hard to just take the information given and not dig for more. I urge you, though, to stop digging. It's hard for us to say, "That's between us, his family, and the social workers" without feeling like we are putting you out. But honestly, it's just the reality. I would rather offend you than say something that would hurt this child already hurting quite a bit. Does that make sense? Instead of saying, "Well his parents did this and this and this" I'd rather say "That's private information." It's his life, not a soap opera. 

As harsh as that sounds, it's what we are faced with every single time we run into someone that hasn't met him yet. As uncomfortable as you feel, we are even more uncomfortable anticipating the damage control we will have to do for the kid if he's treated poorly or differently. 

Rereading this, I know it sounds harsh. The truth is, we love to talk about it with you all. It's a huge deal to us to be able to answer questions you have about foster care and give you some insight on what it is really like. Please don't hold back your curiosity about foster care just because you read this post and feel like you have overstepped in the past. In all seriousness, I'm writing this to help you understand and relate to us and the foster kid, not to shame you or make you uncomfortable.



{If any of this resonated with you, educated you, or changed the way you felt or thought about it, please share this post! I don't care if people read my blog regularly, but if reading this post can help someone handle it better, I will shamelessly self promote. :) }