One last confession

I haven't been honest with you lately.

I quit Weight Watchers. I was fed up with the limited recipes and since I don't have the iPhone like everyone else on the planet, I don't have the accessibility to look each thing up. That's an excuse though. I work at a computer all day and can access one at home all the time. Really, I was too lazy to put the time in. I'm so sick of confessing how lazy I am - but it's the truth. Maybe I'll start saying busy instead. Better, right?

I'm using My Fitness Pal instead since it is free. Plus calorie information is on everything. Points are not. It is easier to follow, and it tells you how much you'll lose in 5 weeks if you keep it up. That is motivating, let me tell you.

But the bottom line with all of this is that it doesn't matter what App I'm using. It doesn't matter if I'm using it online or writing it down on paper (like I'd ever take the time to do that!). If I'm not truly committed, it won't do it for me.

I'm not truly committed.
It pains me to admit it.

I am committed only most of the time, and it's that small portion of time that blows it. That time when my will power disintegrates and all I can think about is immediate satisfaction.

The dumbest foods completely set me off. Tortilla chips. Fudgesicles. Chocolate Chips (true story - I would eat them by the handful if it's all that is around). It's bad.

I'm sure it's like an addiction, but I don't even want to go there because there are real addictions out there that are ruining people and who am I to say that this is even in the same ballpark? The truth is I am being busy lazy. I've developed habits that I'm not willing to break.

And that 10K that I'm supposed to be training for? I can come up with ever excuse in the book. My next attempt to be successful on the dreadmill (see what I did there?) is to listen to a book while running. I think I also just need to tell myself that the option is not available to stop. I know I can do it but mind over body is a lot easier to talk about than to actually apply and overcome.

Sick of hearing this stuff over and over again? I'm sorry; I forget to post the good things too. It's hard to remember to do that because those days with real successes seem to be few and far between. But I've done it before and I can do it again.

Challenge

I'm doing a weight loss challenge starting last Friday through March 16th. I cannot tell you how poorly I have been doing since the Christmas season. I just couldn't get back into the swing of things, and knew I needed something that involved competition and motivation to get back on track.

Why am I writing about this? Because I want to brag for a moment about how awesome I am. Well, more like how awesome I was today. I had an orange, a fruit smoothie, and a cookie at work. Then we went to the Lucky 13 Pub, which sounds like a huge opportunity to fail. I didn't fail. I split my turkey burger in half and boxed up half of my sweet potato fries. This may or may not have been the healthiest thing on the menu. Now if I was truly proud of it, I would put it into my Weight Watchers calculator, but I am a little to lazy scared to see what the results are. Instead I will just take a moment to enjoy the fact that I didn't inhale the whole meal and feel sick afterwards.

It's the little things.

I need to start running again. Need to. I have this crazy goal in mind to run a 10K in May, but I can't really wait for it to be nice outside to start the real training because that will give me like one week to prepare. I just have to suck it up and do the training on the treadmill or outside. Either option sounds miserable, but I know myself and know that I am taking the easy way out when I spend the time at the gym on the elliptical or bike instead of running. I have proved that to myself in the past - that running is the most challenging form of exercise and does the most for my body.

I am this close to getting my wedding ring back on. this clooooose.. That would absolutely delight me. Maybe by the end of this challenge, that will be a nice little side effect of success.

Seriously, the little things.

Quick and ... easy?

After taking a solid week off of running (pathetic, right?) I finally trekked out again and ran a mile. One. Uno. I know I know its so impressive but my goal was not to kill myself. My goal was to jump the dreaded mile hurtle and leave it at that. Whenever I take a hiatus from running, it is always hard to start up again because the first mile is always the worst. I find that once I get through a mile I can usually run quite a bit more. Its just that first mile that gets me! It's like a horrible uncomfortable dragging on and on warm up and my body never feels "ready" to run until after its over. With me being so out of shape right now, I knew that I needed to run it straight through to get my mind in shape. I'm telling you, running is completely mind over body. I knew  that I could run more than a mile, but my mind would just interfere and insist on stopping before my real breaking point.

Its done! I ran a mile tonight, just before the sun went down, and will be up running again tomorrow morning at 5:30 a.m. Why, you ask? Because I start work next week, and I am freaking out (like can't fall asleep at night and am constantly making lists in my head of a bunch of random things all the time) about going back to work next week. I have been planning out how the morning will go, what I need to bring to daycare, what I will do at work when I get there since I will have to breast pump at work and that's new. Plus I will be doing a different job, will have my own office, and will have a bunch of emails and policy changes to catch up on. All of this means that I need some test runs to calm my nerves with as much as I can.

I will get up at 5:30 a.m., pump quick, run, shower and get ready, feed Josie, and "pack everything up" all before 8:30 a.m. That's the goal. I have 4 days to accomplish this before the weekend is here. I know its manageable, but I am just worried about packing everything up and not forgetting something obvious.

I've already been regulating when I pump and making sure its at the same time everyday for about a week. That should work out fine. It's so nice to know that something is already under control. I know that once Monday comes, I will be a wreck already just from having to leave Josie for so long all of a sudden. And don't say that I should practice leaving her for a while. It's not going to happen because I want every second with her I can get and I might possibly bite your head off if you suggest it. :) <-- that smile is only a small one.

I also realized on my run tonight that I probably need new shoes. Two reasons.

1.) Even though my mileage is low for these shoes, I wore them when I was pregnant and stretched them out so now they don't fit me perfectly and I can feel the difference too much. It's just obvious that they aren't helping me.

2.) I want to run the 5k for the Oktoberfest run on October 8th. Just typing that right now was me making up my mind that I want to do it. I actually hadn't solidified the decision in my head until I started writing this post but now that it's out there I am so excited. I love the excitement of a race and 5k isn't too long. I know I can be ready for that in a month. I would love to be able to run it in under 32 minutes, but we'll see. I have quite a ways to go!! New shoes will be exciting (oh the things I live for) and beneficial for training. Maybe that's something I can do this week with my few hours of free time before chaos starts next week.

Goodnight my bloggy world!

3

I ran 3 miles today. Wait, I should be totally honest. I ran/walked (mostly walked) 3 miles today. I figured out that it is 2.94 miles to my sis's apt and back. That is pretty much the perfect distance so she better be expecting me to visit her more often ;).

Although when I DO visit her mid run, she should actually answer the buzzer and come and say hi, not stay in the shower and force me to have awkward conversation with the one roommate I don't know. Oh well...