Showing posts with label losing it. Show all posts
Showing posts with label losing it. Show all posts


Who doesn't love an update

Time for a little update.

Running: Slow and steady. I am running an average of two miles at a time. The other day while staying at the lake, I was able to slip away for a run all by myself and managed to get a PR post baby. I was so excited. I started out walking, not sure how much running I was in the mood for, but soon enough the beautiful weather, scenery, and hills called my name and I picked up my speed. Before I knew it, I had run a mile in under 11 minutes (with that walking in the beginning). I was pumped and even did a little fist pump all by my lonesome in the middle of nowhere. The second mile also included some walking and was completed in just over 11 minutes. Still good considering those hills that my sweet home town doesn't have. My body is not so used to those.

Even with that exciting run, I still am frustrated more often than not. Earlier this week, I ran/walked two miles but really I walked most of it while my calves screamed out in pain. Note to self: this feeling is why it is important to maintain and not slack when it comes to running. Once I get past this hump, I love running so so much and can really push myself. In the meantime, I need to endure the sorest calves known to man. This may be a slight exaggeration, but it is very slight.

I got a massage on Monday (thank you, sister, for the surprise gift) and the masseuse told me that I needed some serious work in my calves and feet because they were so tight. Really? I had no idea. I feel almost bruised today, but it felt oh so good to get them rubbed out yesterday. Today is a rest day but I'll be back at it tomorrow. 

I really need to start lifting weights steadily. I actually do enjoy lifting, I just never fit it in to the schedule with the girls. Maybe soon that will happen?

Audrey: Mostly happy, she's now 7 months old and I will have that update soon. I need to get my act together first, though. Easier said than done.

Josie: Almost two ohmygoodness where is my baby?? Her potty training journey has been interesting... She still has that one accident a day of the messier variety but usually can make it the rest of the day as long as I remind her. Any other accidents throughout the day are direct results of my forgetfulness. If we go regularly, she does great.

Her attitude, on the other hand, is ridiculous. Girl knows how to throw a full-blown tantrum but then can also turn on the charm 30 seconds later. Some days seem so long while others are clearly the days I will remember in years to come. I do love this age, but no ups are as good without the downs to show contrast. We have a lot of downs around here these days.

Hubby: So busy with work. Have I mentioned that I'm proud of him? He has a full-time employee now, which is new to us, so managing his business takes up a lot more of his time than before. I'm pretty sure he's still doing just as much physical work as before so that just means he's working even harder if that is possible. Thankfully, he still makes time for us when he can and the girls just adore him. He's a hit, all around.

Life: What a whirlwind. As you read in this post, we're in the calm before the storm between getting our house sold and moving. Our closing date is August 12th, so we have about two months to finish packing up this house while still enjoying summer. It's going to be a delicate balance. Already I can tell that I need to be creative with quite random things now that so much is packed away and kind of out of reach. (Our packed stuff is being stored at my in-laws. They graciously gave us their garage for the next couple of months but it's boxed up and not easy to access). For example, we only have two chairs for sitting outside so I'm moving them all over the place so that I can avoid the dirty ground and be somewhat comfortable while the kids play. Also? A lot of their toys are packed up and somehow I need to entertain them inside and outside. I feel like I'm packing for a week just to play in the garage. It's fun.

We're spending a lot of time at the lake (there are actually more toys and things for the girls to play with out there than at our house currently) and we'll be going to Mike's aunt's farm at least once as well. Weekends are mostly filled up and I will hopefully be able to keep things fun during the week.

And as promised, there will be another update regarding our new house soon. We're so excited over here. 

Here are some photos from our Father's day weekend. It was so much fun and relaxing. I loved having help with the girls (and took full advantage of it, thank you mom!) and the weather was perfect. LOOVE weekends like this.

I was just a little nervous when teeny tiny Josie was running on this huge (to me) bridge. Of course, she did fine. :)

Tea party with auntie

The gift from us... a white birch tree. He was sufficiently excited.

Father's day, we love him!

Father's Day, girls lover their daddy

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What a ride (already)

Last week, I weighed myself and found out I have lost 8.2 lbs. Today, after eating not-so-good this weekend, (but not-so-bad either) I am up 3 lbs. I take that at face value and try not to be too discouraged, but then I have go and blow today, just eating junk, way more carbs than I usually do and not eating with intention. Of course I knew I would have a day like this and should be proud that it took this long (almost two weeks) for it to happen. I went from eating like that every single day to eating great for a solid 12 days. I felt mentally weak today, though, and it was frustrating. I'm going to focus on some positives, with hope that I can kick start good habits for the rest of the week.

I've been doing awesome getting exercise while outside. Every single day, I've gone for relatively long walks with the girls. I found an awesome deal on Craigslist for a Burley jogging stroller/bike trailer a little over a week ago. It pushes much easier than any other jogging stroller, even the single strollers, and both girls fit comfortably. I will say that it helps that Josie isn't too aggressive with Audrey since they aren't separated in there. I've been pleasantly surprised with how sweet she has been to her little sister, even giving her the pacifier (although sometimes upside down) when she is fussing. 

So back to the jogging. YES, I have actually done it! I've been feeling the urge to run, which happens often, especially when the weather is nice, but haven't had the right timing or courage to try it out. I've never ran any decent amount with my weight this high so I was rather nervous that I wouldn't be able to do it, but it truly is mind over body just like I remember from before. I probably ran 1.8 miles (out of the 2.15 I did total) alternating between walking and running with running definitely dominating. That stroller is it is just ridiculous. 

Today, I went again but waited until it was 88 degrees this afternoon (what was I thinking??). It was a bit too hot for this out of shape body to run steadily, but I did power through and walked over 2 miles burning just about the same number of calories. 

My body craves it and responds positively when I push it. Why can't I remember this when I'm at my lowest (mentally)? Unfortunately, what I do remember (when at my lowest) is how sore I am after a tough run. Although my body wants it, it's not really ready for it. 

Someday, I will have a strong, healthy body. Oh, how I can't wait for that day.

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It's about time

Let's talk weight loss.

It's a process. It's such a huge process.

Last Wednesday, I just... started. It was weird, because it was different. Isn't that ridiculous? It's the truth, though. Since I found out I was pregnant with Audrey last year, even before that, I was trying to stick to a certain number of calories and just make better eating choices. I failed every single day. It wasn't that there were bad days here or there, it was that every day was a bad day when it came to the choices I would make regarding food. And just like *that* I was able to do it. Every day since last Wednesday have been good days.

So what changed? Good question. Nothing specific, just my entire attitude. A week ago, I was overwhelmed with the thought of tracking every little thing I ate. I didn't know how I would track meals that involved fancy or complex recipes. I just didn't want to do it. I thought, "Maybe I can just do it myself without tracking." HA. Yeah right. Never ever ever in my life has that worked.

I found a few blogs filled with success stories. I've read a bunch of forums on MFP's website with more success stories and before/after pictures. Those things help. A LOT. But ultimately, it's about my attitude. Can I do this? Yes. But WILL I do this? That isn't something I can answer quite yet. I want to so badly. I've slowly put on weight since we got married. Actually, it hasn't been so slow. It's been quite fast since I've also had two pregnancies with huge weight gains. But I have dreams of being a strong, healthy woman. There is nothing stopping me but myself.

You know what? There is something else that is motivating me. I've given this problem to God. It seems like a trivial thing, this body image issue, being overweight, being a big eater, etc. The truth is that it isn't a small thing at all. It affects everything from my health, my ability to play with my kids, my marriage, and my confidence (sad, but true).

It's a huge release to know that I'm not doing it alone. When I find myself really struggling (because of course  that's happened already) I know that I can pray about it with an earnest heart. God doesn't think I'm being ridiculous or petty. He wants me to be successful in Him. It is a huge relief and comfort to know that.

Here are the numbers. I have about 1240 calories to eat each day. Most days, I go for a walk or do some kind of exercise that burns anywhere from 250-350 calories. I've actually found it hard to make up those calories! 1240 is a great number for me to work towards. I usually get three solid meals with a smaller snack (or two) and don't feel hungry. I don't eat a lot of carbs and do try to keep my protein intake higher. I'm not stupid when it comes to sweets either. I've tried cutting them out cold turkey and that has always ended with an epic fail, so I try to leave room for a sweet snack after dinner at night. Nothing fancy, just something to get me past the impulse to overeat. This week it has been dark chocolate dusted almonds. It's a perfect snack and I'm left satisfied for the day.

It helps that I am a creature of habit. I end up eating almost the exact same thing for breakfast every day (two eggs either hard boiled or fried with my mug of coffee and two tbs of creamer) and my lunch has been soup and salad with minimal variety. It works for me! That usually leaves me with a larger number left over for dinner, taking the pressure off to have a low calorie meal with an option for higher calorie foods for the hubby. He doesn't really need to be on my diet. I make a normal meal with carbs, meat, and veggies and just try to load up on the healthier foods. I don't deprive myself of the carbs though. Often times, that is the only point in the day that I eat starchy high carb foods. It's ok to eat it when I've planned for it.

All in all, with this new attitude, things have been going better. I had to guess at my starting weight because my scale was out of batteries, but hopefully I'll know soon if I have lost anything or not. I also took measurements and cannot wait to see movement there. I think that will mean more to me than a few pounds here and there.

It's going to be a long journey. I pray that my attitude can stay positive and that I don't get overwhelmed with  it, at least long term. I know there will be rough days, but those days give me opportunities to glorify God. If I can overcome them by relying on Him, it just makes this journey that much better.



One last confession

I haven't been honest with you lately.

I quit Weight Watchers. I was fed up with the limited recipes and since I don't have the iPhone like everyone else on the planet, I don't have the accessibility to look each thing up. That's an excuse though. I work at a computer all day and can access one at home all the time. Really, I was too lazy to put the time in. I'm so sick of confessing how lazy I am - but it's the truth. Maybe I'll start saying busy instead. Better, right?

I'm using My Fitness Pal instead since it is free. Plus calorie information is on everything. Points are not. It is easier to follow, and it tells you how much you'll lose in 5 weeks if you keep it up. That is motivating, let me tell you.

But the bottom line with all of this is that it doesn't matter what App I'm using. It doesn't matter if I'm using it online or writing it down on paper (like I'd ever take the time to do that!). If I'm not truly committed, it won't do it for me.

I'm not truly committed.
It pains me to admit it.

I am committed only most of the time, and it's that small portion of time that blows it. That time when my will power disintegrates and all I can think about is immediate satisfaction.

The dumbest foods completely set me off. Tortilla chips. Fudgesicles. Chocolate Chips (true story - I would eat them by the handful if it's all that is around). It's bad.

I'm sure it's like an addiction, but I don't even want to go there because there are real addictions out there that are ruining people and who am I to say that this is even in the same ballpark? The truth is I am being busy lazy. I've developed habits that I'm not willing to break.

And that 10K that I'm supposed to be training for? I can come up with ever excuse in the book. My next attempt to be successful on the dreadmill (see what I did there?) is to listen to a book while running. I think I also just need to tell myself that the option is not available to stop. I know I can do it but mind over body is a lot easier to talk about than to actually apply and overcome.

Sick of hearing this stuff over and over again? I'm sorry; I forget to post the good things too. It's hard to remember to do that because those days with real successes seem to be few and far between. But I've done it before and I can do it again.



Remember how I said I was going to track every.single.thing that went into my mouth? Remember how I blogged about how successful I was and how on track I am in general and how I am no longer making excuses? No? Oh yeah because that didn't happen.

I cannot get it together with this whole tracking my foods thing. WHAT.IS.THE.DEAL? Yep. All caps with the period -->that is how serious this is. I just read about not making excuses and how only I can change it and nobody is stuffing food down my throat (weird thought, let's not go there) so now I really feel the guilt.

This morning I had two pieces of pizza for breakfast. Why? Because I was lazy and didn't want to make my usual egg on a piece of toast breakfast of champs. It was sitting there, I was running around doing other things, I thought "hey that looks so good and fattening and full of calories" and off I went chomping down on food that started my day off with a big FAIL stamped on the first page (of the day...not the best analogy).

So here's the sweet part (and why I am posting right now instead of hanging my head down in shame and avoiding this little blog altogether). Instead of just calling it a FAIL day and inhaling everything in sight, I am eating healthy. Like super "who is that seriously? that girl is soooo healthy" healthy. I had a shake for lunch and Subway  is the plan tonight. No snacks, no chocolate, no cookies, no junk. Can I get an Amen?

Weekends are the hard part of the week for me (duh, for everyone right?) but I cannot keep making these excuses. I will report back soon with some more good news and if I don't send out a search team. I need the accountability now more than ever even though it is hard to take sometimes.

Happy weekend!



I'm doing a weight loss challenge starting last Friday through March 16th. I cannot tell you how poorly I have been doing since the Christmas season. I just couldn't get back into the swing of things, and knew I needed something that involved competition and motivation to get back on track.

Why am I writing about this? Because I want to brag for a moment about how awesome I am. Well, more like how awesome I was today. I had an orange, a fruit smoothie, and a cookie at work. Then we went to the Lucky 13 Pub, which sounds like a huge opportunity to fail. I didn't fail. I split my turkey burger in half and boxed up half of my sweet potato fries. This may or may not have been the healthiest thing on the menu. Now if I was truly proud of it, I would put it into my Weight Watchers calculator, but I am a little to lazy scared to see what the results are. Instead I will just take a moment to enjoy the fact that I didn't inhale the whole meal and feel sick afterwards.

It's the little things.

I need to start running again. Need to. I have this crazy goal in mind to run a 10K in May, but I can't really wait for it to be nice outside to start the real training because that will give me like one week to prepare. I just have to suck it up and do the training on the treadmill or outside. Either option sounds miserable, but I know myself and know that I am taking the easy way out when I spend the time at the gym on the elliptical or bike instead of running. I have proved that to myself in the past - that running is the most challenging form of exercise and does the most for my body.

I am this close to getting my wedding ring back on. this clooooose.. That would absolutely delight me. Maybe by the end of this challenge, that will be a nice little side effect of success.

Seriously, the little things.


Best broccoli ever.

Only 10 pts for this meal and it was AMAZING. Thank you Applebee's.


Quick and ... easy?

After taking a solid week off of running (pathetic, right?) I finally trekked out again and ran a mile. One. Uno. I know I know its so impressive but my goal was not to kill myself. My goal was to jump the dreaded mile hurtle and leave it at that. Whenever I take a hiatus from running, it is always hard to start up again because the first mile is always the worst. I find that once I get through a mile I can usually run quite a bit more. Its just that first mile that gets me! It's like a horrible uncomfortable dragging on and on warm up and my body never feels "ready" to run until after its over. With me being so out of shape right now, I knew that I needed to run it straight through to get my mind in shape. I'm telling you, running is completely mind over body. I knew  that I could run more than a mile, but my mind would just interfere and insist on stopping before my real breaking point.

Its done! I ran a mile tonight, just before the sun went down, and will be up running again tomorrow morning at 5:30 a.m. Why, you ask? Because I start work next week, and I am freaking out (like can't fall asleep at night and am constantly making lists in my head of a bunch of random things all the time) about going back to work next week. I have been planning out how the morning will go, what I need to bring to daycare, what I will do at work when I get there since I will have to breast pump at work and that's new. Plus I will be doing a different job, will have my own office, and will have a bunch of emails and policy changes to catch up on. All of this means that I need some test runs to calm my nerves with as much as I can.

I will get up at 5:30 a.m., pump quick, run, shower and get ready, feed Josie, and "pack everything up" all before 8:30 a.m. That's the goal. I have 4 days to accomplish this before the weekend is here. I know its manageable, but I am just worried about packing everything up and not forgetting something obvious.

I've already been regulating when I pump and making sure its at the same time everyday for about a week. That should work out fine. It's so nice to know that something is already under control. I know that once Monday comes, I will be a wreck already just from having to leave Josie for so long all of a sudden. And don't say that I should practice leaving her for a while. It's not going to happen because I want every second with her I can get and I might possibly bite your head off if you suggest it. :) <-- that smile is only a small one.

I also realized on my run tonight that I probably need new shoes. Two reasons.

1.) Even though my mileage is low for these shoes, I wore them when I was pregnant and stretched them out so now they don't fit me perfectly and I can feel the difference too much. It's just obvious that they aren't helping me.

2.) I want to run the 5k for the Oktoberfest run on October 8th. Just typing that right now was me making up my mind that I want to do it. I actually hadn't solidified the decision in my head until I started writing this post but now that it's out there I am so excited. I love the excitement of a race and 5k isn't too long. I know I can be ready for that in a month. I would love to be able to run it in under 32 minutes, but we'll see. I have quite a ways to go!! New shoes will be exciting (oh the things I live for) and beneficial for training. Maybe that's something I can do this week with my few hours of free time before chaos starts next week.

Goodnight my bloggy world!


Big scary green monster

I have become addicted to the wonder that is the green monster. I've heard of it many many many times before, but was always completely terrified to try it out. My curiosity won in the end and I found myself at where there are hundreds of recipes to make different varieties. So what is a green monster?

Basically it is just a blended combination of lettuce or spinach with other fruits, veggies, milk, yogurt, peanut butter, or whatever else you think should be in it. I cannot believe how good it is (at least the variety I made).

Mine had spinach, kale, half an apple, banana, peanut butter, milk, and ice. SOOO GOOOOOD. It tasted like an apple dipped in peanut butter but I got dairy, fruit, veggies, and protein all in one drink. It fills me up and is sweet enough to almost taste like I had a dessert.

We'll see how long my love of this will last. I'll have to try other variations to keep it interesting. Any suggestions?


Um really? Get it together lady.

These are the settings for me on the Weight Watchers website. Take note of a few things:

Losing or maintaining? Losing. (Used to be maintaining)
Nursing mom? Yes, but also supplementing (Used to be only nursing)
Target? 43 (Used to be 56!)

No wonder I gained weight this week.

56 points is a whole lot more than 43. I knew it seemed like a ridiculous amount, and when I stepped on the scale and saw a bigger number, I had to figure out what the heck was going on. So glad I figured this out now instead of weeks of frustration later. So now that we have that figured out....

Sadly, as previously mentioned, I gained weight this week instead of losing it. I am super bummed because I really want to get this going with a huge bang. It'd probably help if I jogged at a walking pace ran a bit more and maybe did some weight training at all. UUgh why is it so much work to look good?? :)


Impressed I am!

I had my 6 week check up (aka the "get the ok" check up, make sure there is no postpartum depression going on check up, meet my new doctor check up) today. First of all, I took a chance and brought Josie with me. I say take a chance because she's awake oh so much more often than she used to be and I can't always count on her napping schedule (that is not so much a schedule and more of a shot in the dark hope) to pull through and let me get things done. Thankfully, she slept right through it thanks to the ladies at lunch that kept her stimulated and entertained until she zonked out.
Oh did I mention that I got to eat a nice potluck dinner for lunch today? No? Well, I did and it was fun. It was in honor of a fellow employee friend who had her last day today... yeah my job rocks it up with potlucks for almost any occasion. Oh wait I am supposed to be dieting... dangit.

Whew distracted! Ok so back to the doctor's appointment. Josie's doctor is Dr. Steve. He doesn't deal with anything OBGYN related, so he had me meet with his wife, Dr. Terri.  We love them both. Seriously. I could not be more impressed with them! When she asked me why we came/how we found her, I told her about how the old clinic was less than impressive. I also slipped in there that I was already impressed with them, and of course she loved that. She said that one of the benefits of them being independent is that they don't have the pressure to overbook and squeeze in more patients than they really can fit meaning they have more time for me and my fam without making me wait with a screaming baby (she would never, would she?) in the lobby for hours. I like, I like.

She was even nice enough to not point out how much weight I need to lose. Thank you, Dr, because I know it needs to happen and hearing it would have just made me sad annoyed. Wouldn't it be so fun to go to the next appointment and be like 30 lbs lighter? I am seeing a potential goal forming... (lets pretend that the next visit is not the appt for Josie in 2 weeks).

I really want to have a wonderful, relaxing, outdoor-filled weekend. I have to (absolutely have to!) run this weekend because my mileage per run is pathetic. I think my run this morning had me run about 3/4 of a mile. I will beat you, tendons, I really will!

OOOH  and may I point out that I got some lovely motivation to jump start the weight loss desperately needed? A friend put up some pictures of the baby shower she threw for me. GROSS. I realize that I was swollen and well, 9 months pregnant, but seriously that chubby face, neck, arms, body in general that I saw was not appealing. I don't ever want to look like that again, so I need to kick it in gear. Next pregnancy, I want to start out much thinner. :)

Notice how I talk about the next pregnancy a lot? Don't get your hopes up... nothing exciting happening like that any time soon! My girl is only 6 weeks old so settle down!