the Avett Brothers concert and 6/7

A couple of weeks ago, my sister and I went to see the Avett Brothers perform. It was a huge deal that they were actually playing in our city since they had never been here before in the last 12 years that they've been a band and it is unlikely they will come back again now that they are getting better known. 

I "prepped" for this concert a ton by listening to them pretty much nonstop (it really wasn't hard, I just kept buying their CDs and they were so.good.). My hubby was more than a little sick of them but I don't care. I love their music and because I force them to listen, the girls seem to enjoy them as well.

So what do I want to remember about this concert?

1. I"m not too old to go to a concert. Even though I felt ancient because I never leave my house let alone go to night clubs/bars, I was not even close to the oldest there. 

2. They were better live than I ever could have hoped for or imagined. They have energy like no other and are entertaining to watch. 

3. Southern accents with that hint of twang is adorable. They could say just about anything and it'd come across as charming. 

4. Seth, the younger, taller, skinnier, seemingly more immature brother really grew on me. He's hyper and dances around a ton and definitely plays up that southern charm.

5. But Scott is still my favorite. Even though he cut off all his long hair.

6. My sister was the perfect person to go to the concert with. She also listened to them a ton (I kind of forced her to) so she knew the same songs I did and genuinely seemed to enjoy the concert. Even if she didn't, she hid it enough to allow me to. :) Thanks sister!

7. The non brothers of the group are also super charming. Bass player Bob just gets in the groove and seems so relaxed and cellist Joe goes into his own world but can rock out like no other. And he's Asian, which makes you look twice while he plays along like it's nobody's business to the blue grass songs. 

8. I was impressed with their set list. Every time they started a song, I thought to myself "oh man, this is a great choice." Fast song, blue grass song, slow song, mid tempo song, some light talking, jam sessions. You get the idea, it was just a great mix. I knew about 80% of the songs which was perfect because it made me want to go buy the rest of the albums and learn the few I didn't know while still being able to hear the songs I've grown to love in the last couple of months.

9. I somehow need to listen to more lesser known bands so that I can discover other gems like that before they are in year twelve of being a band. I kind of feel like I'm not a true fan because I didn't hear of them or love them until this far into their careers, but to be fair how can you love a band if you've never heard them?

10. I don't have time, energy, or money to go to a ton of shows, but when my favorite band comes to town, it's worth it. I'm so glad I went. But now I want to see them again. 

Any recommendations for other bands or artists I can obsess over listen to? I'm picky and don't like a specific genre, but I'd love suggestions. It's a bad habit of mine to choose a band to love, learn a lot about them, memorize every song, and then not like any other bands in that genre. It's about the musicians and their music more so than the exact style they play. 

Here are the pictures - boring for those of you who don't know the band, but definitely something I'll love to look back on someday.

Pre concert, no sweat, smiling with excitement faces

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



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Audrey Joy, 8 months old and 5/7

Audrey Joy turned eight months old on July 18th. Not much has changed this month, so I"ll just cover the main things.

This baby girl is so happy almost all of the time. She's playing hardcore now, rolling and wiggling her way around the room like a champ, and she is still fascinated with all things Josie.

Audrey's finally outgrown her 3-6 months clothing, but for whatever reason I was not prepared for this and had to run out and get a couple more summery outfits. We have enough to get us through the summer but then who knows how fast she'll go through this stage! She's almost to the point of slowing down with the growth but she's always keeping me on my toes. With her so close to crawling, she might lose her plumpness and confuse me once again.

Speaking of her plumpness, she loves food. Loves loves loves everything, except avocados. Isn't that funny? It's such a plain food, you'd think she wouldn't care. But she does! She out eats Josie at most meals but just when you think she doesn't have a limit, she refuses to take another bite. It's humorous, to say the least.

Sleep is going great, no new teeth, hair is pretty much the same, and she's still happy as a clam in her car seat. I also let her sit in the carts sans car seat and of course she loves that. Her balance is a little off sometimes but she has improved a ton with that in just a few weeks. She also loves to stand and her "tell" when she's tired is that she will squirm all over and want to go from standing to sitting to snuggling to being on the floor to being picked up over and over. She doesn't get grumpy, doesn't always rub her eyes or tug her ears or scream out, so if you don't know that the wiggling is her big clue, you'd think she never gets tired.

Everyone loves her eyes. It's funny how many people point them out, and I do love them but don't notice it like other people do. She also does this cute little thing where she lightly does a popping sound with her mouth ("puh puh puh puh puh") when she's happy or excited. She's just figuring out how to wave (I didn't expect that so soon!) and loves to feel faces with her bear paw little hands.

I love this age! I've had numerous moments of "my baby is growing up way too fast" this month and have had to squeeze her tight to not get too anxious. Thankfully, she's still pretty cuddly and doesn't mind her crazy mama. I can't imagine our lives without her.

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



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Weigh in day and 4/7

I've set up my weigh in days to be on Thursdays through Weight Watchers. In an effort to be held accountable by you, my lovely readers, I think it'd be worth briefly mentioning each week even if it isn't a change I'm particularly proud of. 

I started tracking my points on Monday, June 15th. I had weighed myself the day before that, so from Sunday to Thursday I was down 6.2 lbs. Before you get carried away thinking I'm overdoing it and need to slow down immediately, keep in mind that approximately three lbs of that was water weight and I did not get that starting weight in the morning right after I woke up like I usually do. I had weighed myself the night before a couple of hours after eating supper. I'm still counting it, though, as an extremely successful week. 

This morning, I got on the scale expecting to maintain. I was praying I wouldn't see a gain, but after this week of travelling, a few small but poor choices when I was home, and only one good day of exercise, I wouldn't have been too surprised to see the number go up. Thankfully, the number went down .8 lbs. I'm very happy with that. 

But... let's get to the more important part! Non-scale victories (NSVs). The number on the scale should not be taken too seriously. Sure, it's a great way to gauge how you are doing when you have a huge number of lbs to lose like myself. But sometimes what you expect based on how you ate and exercised is not adequately reflected on that stubborn scale. Sometimes, you have to look beyond it to feel victorious and see that you are still progressing.  KTJ over at KTJ Weighing In does a weekly link-up for these lovely NSVs and I'm excited to do them too! Seriously, NSVs can make or break it for me on this journey. I'm thankfully not that naive to rely only on the scale anymore.

1. There was a point this weekend where I just wanted a second helping. It didn't matter what the food was as long as I was eating something. When eating with a large group, it is normal and expected that you sit at the table after you are done eating for a while and be part of the general conversation. I love it, so I am not complaining about it in general, but it makes it hard to stop eating when the food is right in front of me. Having that restraint is a constant battle, as silly as it seems. Every single time I do manage to avoid overeating in that setting, it is a huge NSV.

2. I have virtually cut out snacking, or as I like to call it "grazing", throughout the day. While I still struggle with the pre-bedtime dessert or snack, during the day I have been great at eating enough to be satisfied at meals so that I don't feel like I need something in between. This is especially hard when the girls are napping. If we've had a particularly rough morning or early afternoon, it has become a bad habit to either eat a huge lunch then because I didn't have time to eat before then or eat a comfort food filled snack on the couch without a solid limit. This week, I didn't even feel that urge to snack. HUGE.

3. Emotionally eating is very much an addiction. Being able to say "no" when I am feeling that pull of needing comfort for whatever reason is huge. I didn't succeed every time, but I did succeed more often than not. The little things add up, yo! My small weight loss this week proves it (but even if it hadn't, it still would have been a NSV).

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



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Foster care update, lessons, confession, and 3/7

Scary thought of the day: I've started prepping for my little piano studio to start for the fall season. Fall season!! I have a new schedule and have started the process of setting up lesson times with my current students (how silly is it that my heart skips a little at the thought of seeing them again? Funny how one can love random children so so much.) and have even been contacted to start up lessons with a new student. This may seem like a no brainer, but I had no plans of adding more students and therefore more time each week to lessons this year since we are still licensed for foster care and that could happen any time. I worked semi-hard to get my name out there when I started giving lessons and got the number of students I wanted. Now that I'm not trying, I've had more than one person interested. Who knew? Word of mouth is great.

Speaking of foster care, we are in such a weird place of limbo right now. We have hardly had any calls for placements this summer, but the few we have had wouldn't work for us (too many kids that wouldn't have a bed here let alone room in our car, we're out of town when they call, etc). Now we're weeks away from moving so we don't feel right about bringing a scared child into our home that is in a chaotic upheaval. Am I being paranoid? Could a kid thrive in that environment? I just feel like it's too crazy for that. After we move, we have to have our license basically renewed or amended for our new home. There's a wee bit of pressure to get everything in place, knowing that a stranger is coming to judge if it's child-safe or not!

We've been "away" from the foster care world for a couple of months, and I have to admit, my heart doesn't feel as in it as it did when we were newly licensed, fresh off the classes, motivated and ready for any challenge. It would really rock our worlds to get a placement right now. I am in no way saying we wouldn't do it (after we move, not right this second), but it would definitely be a huge adjustment, mentally and physically. I really do wonder what God's plan is in this. Not knowing is good for us, but I have to watch myself to avoid getting anxious.

Because sometimes you just need a picture to brighten up a Wednesday morn'  post.

Confession. I threw a baby shower two weeks ago and haven't taken down the decorations. They were cute. Nothing too fancy but I loooved the pop of color with the balloons and our house is already crazy with the moving prep so who cares if there are a few balloons and banners on the walls? I may or may not look a little looney with it up all the time though...

 

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



Want to leave a comment? Click on the title of this post and scroll to the bottom. You'll see the comment section there. Can't wait to read what you have to say!

Loneliness and 2/7

As I sit down to write this post, my mind is blank yet racing all at the same time trying to think of something worthy of writing, recording, remembering. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself in all kinds of areas. This little blog has managed to avoid my perfectionist nature for the most part and I desperately want to keep it that way. It's so easy to get caught up in numbers, stats, the desire to be "popular" or "liked." I don't write to impress people or make friends. I write because it is something I enjoy and it's the easiest way for me to get my thoughts out there, for myself and family. I write about the girls a lot, what I'm doing, what is important to me. Those things are great, but sometimes I just want to write. So today, I googled "writing prompts" and looked for something to inspire me. I found some here. 


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Today's Writing Prompt: Loneliness

Loneliness can happen anywhere, a crowded room or an empty one. How do you combat it? 

I'm not generally a lonely person. I like being around people, sure, but also enjoy having alone time. I've only experienced true loneliness a few times in my life. 

Growing up, I spent time alone happily playing quietly, reading books, doing homework, listening to music. I didn't mind being alone. As I grew up, I enjoyed spending time with my friends and became more and more social. Eventually, I had boyfriends that occupied my time, so I didn't have much time truly "alone" that wasn't consumed with school, work, friends, or family. When I went to college, I struggled to make friends along with everyone else. I didn't feel like I was in the right place, so I started the process of transferring back to my hometown community college to save money until I figured it out. I also ended a relationship that had been too serious, too intense, not in God's plan. That was the first time that I felt true loneliness. I was in between stages in my life, in between new friends and old, single for the first time in years, and moving back home after so many friends had moved on. It was painful but I grew more than I could have imagined. So many of my life lessons came from that period of my life. I look back at it with clear memories of different events and days, those memories stronger than other times in my life because of their impact. 

There are other forms of loneliness, though, that I experience off and on. Even though I am not alone in the literal sense, I still experience it. I spend most of my days with a newly talking two year old and eight month old baby that doesn't say more than "mamamama." My conversations revolve around bathroom talk, what to eat, the ABCs, and childhood books. My chatty husband works hard for long hours every day and is tired when he gets home. A lot of the time, I can be surrounded by strangers, acquaintances, even friends and other children and still feel that hint of loneliness. 

I can't say that this lonely feeling is necessarily a bad thing for me to feel and work through. These moments always bring me back to my creator, reminding me that I am never truly alone. I am reminded to enjoy the moments of true family time, enjoy the moments of baby and toddler days, enjoy the adult conversations I have that much more. I am reminded to be in the moment of interactions and conversations, to not take them for granted. I am reminded to enjoy being in my own company, to enjoy the quiet, to enjoy the stillness. 

Sometimes my heart does hurt. Sometimes I do feel that tug of want, to be around others, to feel outward love, to feel connected. Those moments pass and for that I am grateful. Sometimes, good does come out of feeling lonely. I just have to remember that when the moment is upon me.  

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



Want to leave a comment? Click on the title of this post and scroll to the bottom. You'll see the comment section there. Can't wait to read what you have to say!

Catch ups and 1/7.

Oh weekend, how I already miss you. We were out of town for four days, visiting friends a couple of hours away on Thursday and Friday and then joining hubby at his aunt's farm for the rest of the weekend. It's fun to get out of the house and out of town but honestly we need to be back just to get back on track sleep wise. Both girls were so tired last night from all the festivities and irregular sleep times that hubby and I practically threw them into their beds at the early hour of 7:00 PM. It was heavenly, having it so quiet in our house that early. We are all a lot happier this morning. 

This girl can EAT. It's amazing, the quantity she's taking in compared to her much bigger older sister. I'd say it's at least the same if not more.

I tried to eat smart this weekend, I really did. I would say I succeeded about 70% of the time, and I did the big no-no of weighing myself before Thursday (my official weigh in day) to see what the damage was. After I had eaten breakfast and was fully dressed, I was only up like half a pound. I was so relieved to see that I hadn't blown it. It's crazy how little faith I have in the basics, eating healthier, more calories burned than taken in, etc. Mentally, I make this huge deal about every little bite but compared to how I was eating prior to tracking, I'm doing amazing. Part of my mental freak-out this morning is based on knowing that I didn't track anything, and of course past experience only shows failure when I'm not tracking diligently. The bottom line here is that I'm relieved that I didn't blow it, but ready to be tracking 100% again. Follow that?

Really, this cap, make every day better.

 Despite my fear of the igniting the intense foot pain I've been experiencing, I went for a short run yesterday and made a few PRs which is always exciting. I ran a mile on the hills at the farm in 9:41 minutes, the fastest I've ever ran a mile. For real, how is that possible?? The fastest, on hills no less. Longer strides, knowing I would stop at the end of just one mile, and mentally pushing myself when I was feeling like it was too fast, that's how. We all know it isn't because I'm in the greatest shape ever! I walked the mile back to the house and did that in just 11:20 minutes which is faster than I often jog. I had a ton of energy from the first mile but didn't want to push my luck with my foot, so speed walking was the solution I guess. It felt good to move my body, especially since it'd been like 5 days since I'd gone for a legitimate run/walk.

I'm having a hard time finding other ways to work out, and by "finding" I mean "doing" because really, I know a bunch of other work outs but can never get the motivation to do them... running is the only thing that gets me moving right now.

My foot has been feeling better, so hopefully I can slowly increase my mileage again (you know, maybe doing more than one mile??) since this is the season for running outside. Plus, I actually want to do it and that's more than I can say for any other work out.

Both girls have somewhat of a cold, runny noses, sneezing constantly, and I'm really quite over it. Snot in the hair and crusty skin is not that sweet looking, even on little babes.

We're moving in three weeks! My oh my I am excited. Also, a little bit in denial. We have to pack up our house in that time? I get to write a huge check for closing costs? I get to do this all with two kids two and under while my hubby works as hard as he can to pay for all of these moving expenses? What? 

At Storybook Land, Josie really only loved the variety of horses, trains, and fire trucks. Oh, and also a pirate ship. Other than that, the charm of this place was lost on her.

Face off between Audrey and our hostess's puppy. The girls loved Emmy, the pup, but she was very enthusiastic and kind of overwhelmed them. Nonetheless, the couldn't stay away from her! Josie talked about Emmy constantly and was always looking for some "kisses".

Hubby shooting his gun that we got for his birthday. Finally. His birthday is in mid June.

I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!

Want to leave a comment? Click on the title of this post and scroll to the bottom. You'll see the comment section there. Can't wait to read what you have to say!

Wednesday.

If somebody told me that it was just discovered that string cheese caused cancer, I think our family would go in to mourning, Josie in particular. That girl eats more string cheese than almost anything else.

My current read (now finished) and breakfast of champions

Josie learned how to "play with my hair" today. Ouch. It hurt then and a little still now. That girl doesn't get how to brush softly. But she loved it!

 

Mess.y.house.

Both girls are sick today. There are a lot of dirty kleenexes (not a real word), half full water bottles (at least they aren't half empty?) and crying girls around here. Hold me now, it's going to be a long day. To top it off, we're (the girls and I without the husband) are travelling tomorrow and we might not survive each other. It might be rough.

GUESS WHAT! Two days successful of tracking my WW points. I'm proud of it so can you at least pretend to be impressed? Also, I tried on new Brooks Adrenaline shoes. They were new in that they were date-wise new, but they were the exact same shoes as what I use currently except half a size bigger. And tada! They are so much better. I wish I would have bought them right away but instead I said "I'll think about it" and now have to figure out how I will find time to go back and get them today. It just seemed crazy to me that the same shoe only newer (mine aren't that worn out, I thought) and slightly bigger could make such a huge difference. It became crystal clear after I went home in my old shoes and immediately felt pain in the points on my foot that have been causing problems. It was like getting smacked in the forehead. 

Girlfriend needs a brush.

It's summer and we are never outside. It's so much work to get both girls ready with everything they need and by the time we get outside, one of them needs something so we all have to go back in. My heart is so sad about this. Also, cannot wait to say goodbye to the bilevel house with the steps that force you up up up just to get the smallest thing, meaning that all of us get to come in every single time something is missing because I don't want to be that mom that leaves her kids unattended in the yard two steps from the door. It's a rough life over here.

I post these next photos in spite of the tired eyes and double chins. We like to have fun even when we're covered in snot...

  

How'd you like those lovely random pictures? Gotta keep it interesting over here.

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The start (again)

We spent the weekend at the lake, enjoying family, humid and rainy weather, a fun festival in the park nearby, and of course, food. Lots and lots of food.

And the number on the scale is showing it. Once again, I am basically starting over, feeling awful about myself and questioning my motives, attitude, and strength. What am I trying to accomplish? Why is this the one huge (so huge) thing in my life that never seems to go right? 

In a desperate attempt to right these wrongs, I signed up for Weight Watchers (online) again. This would be my...fourth?...time actively using it and I have my doubts, but at the same time, I am kind of excited. You know how it goes, you get all geared up and ready to just beat this and  shed the pounds and have all kinds of plans (I'm great at coming up with plans, just not executing them apparently) and spreadsheets and meal plans and...well you get the idea. So here I am, starting over again, weight about 5 lbs higher than before (!!) and ready to commit yet again. As I told my mom this weekend, what good would it do to just quit trying? Even if I am trying and failing over and over, at least I'm still trying. 

I so desperately wish I had a good friend to do this with, to talk through the hard days and moments immediately as they happened instead of blogging about it later. That's not an option at this point, which makes this seem a bit overwhelming. Doing it alone scares me and I can already see a few huge challenges coming up this week since the girls and I will be visiting friends and family at the end of the week for five days. I fail miserably when not at home on my set schedule, so having that obstacle right at the start of this seems ridiculously scary. 

But I can do this, right? I can see results, make changes, succeed, meet the goals. 

It hit me the other day, as I recounted another bad dream to my husband that put him in a bad light, that my insecurities about my body and weight are affecting so much more than I realize. Subconsciously, I am scared of so many things happening because of how I view myself. Rejection from him, my friends, my family and even strangers, feeling unworthy, feeling the judgement, not being able to keep up to my kids, passing it on to them, this love of food and poor choices that will give them a lifelong struggle that could be avoided. It terrifies me, yet doesn't motivate me enough to make the changes. You know what that is? Sin. Straight up sin. The laziness, fear, cowardliness, and lack of self will is evident in every picture I see of myself or when I feel yet another injury on my over worked body(from the extra weight, not my work outs).

One thing for my to grasp, my tiny silver lining in this, is that God is using this to humble me in a huge way. As mentioned in other posts, I am a perfectionist, and my lack of control here brings me back down in a huge way. This really is not something I can do alone. This is not something that I can master and manipulate. I am at the mercy of my Lord, and I need to keep that in my mind, right in the front, more than anything.

I know it sounds harsh, like I am figuratively beating myself up, but sometimes that is what is needed, to be shaken out of a stupor, brought back to reality. 

Today I start again. Join me in prayer and cheers of support, won't you? God knows (for real) that I will need it.


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Quick post

My foot is driving me crazy. I tried to find a picture showing exactly where it is hurting and I can't even find that. The best way to describe the location is that it is more on the top than the bottom and is closer to the outside than the inside. Clear as day, right? My friend who is also a physical therapist briefly tried to help me out the other day (informal setting, not at her work) and we never really did figure out what it was. I'm just about ready to go in for a legit consultation with her because it's just not improving. I got some new shoes for daily use, have avoided running heavily, have tried to stay off of it more in general, iced it (kind of felt good at the time but didn't last) and even soaked it in Epsom salt. What is going on here??

I guess it could be a stress fracture or possibly another form of tendinitis. My tendons generally hate me and love to act up so that wouldn't surprise me, but if I jump to conclusions and treat it as tendinitis while it is a stress fracture, I could do more damage than good.

Anyway.

Tonight.... TONIGHT I get to see the Avett Brothers perform live in my very own city. I never thought that would happen as most of the bands I like don't make it to small mid western towns, but it's happening. It's going to be great.



This weekend is a big one with a lot of family, time at the lake (why foot why must you hurt when I could be running in the splendid beauty of lake country?) and of course the traveling that comes with it. That means I need to get it together somehow and pack every little thing. No time for forgetting essentials like swimming suits and underwear! (Both have happened. I'm not proud of it.)

Girly girl just woke up so off I go!


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