Fabulous Friday with a side of random

Oh hey there. Glad you are still reading. It's been quiet over here, and I'm okay with that. I've lost some readers though, as a quick glance at the good old stats noticed a drop of page views per post. 

Good thing I'm not on the prowl for high reader numbers. :)

Why so quiet, you ask? I'm having a hard time being motivated to sit down and write. Picture editing has been bumped up a notch now that we have a third kid photographed that isn't supposed to be posted online. Honestly, it's kind of exhausting to take pictures trying to keep him out of them (I think he can tell when I'm doing that so it's not ideal at all) or taking pictures with him right in the middle and then editing him out later. It's a lot more work than I'm interested in.

I have posted a lot more one-kid pictures on Instagram (follow me @livingwithintention if you'd like) but other than that, don't expect much from me in that regard.

Life has finally slowed down. We're all breathing again, and the kids are behaving a little bit better than a couple of weeks ago. I'm trying so very hard to be creative and intentional with our time. I don't want us to just sit around bored, driving each other crazy. We go outside when we can which is huge for attitudes and energy levels. Unfortunately, it's been ridiculously, unseasonably, cold this late fall/early winter and we've been trapped inside more than usual. It's going to be a long winter if all of the days have highs of 0 or less. I just can't even think about it without getting depressed.

I think the biggest thing freaking me out is that I can't go very many places with all three kids. When our lfb (little foster boy) isn't at school, I'm stuck at home for the most part. I (we) so desperately want to be out and about but it's so stressful and overwhelming. I just can't keep track of all of them and the older two aren't great listeners yet so I can't trust them at all.

So we sit at home, trying to keep sane and happy.

We've been doing advent calendar activities. We've skipped days here and there when life got busy or it just didn't fit in to the day, and I have no guilt about that. We do what we can. Some we have done to date: sang Christmas carols, made Christmas cookies (from the box, nothing fancy), called someone and sang "jingle bells" (we called auntie, grammy, and papa and they all loved it), watched a children's Christmas movie, and colored a picture in just green and red. I've noticed that the arts and crafts projects haven't really happened as much since the kids can't all sit still very long but again, I'm okay with it. It still give us something to do when the days get long.

The other advent calendar we are doing is the Storybook Bible story-a-day calendar. We are only two days behind, which is kind of amazing for me. Right away when we started doing it, lfb was not interested at all with sitting down and reading a story before bed time. I mean, hello, it's a lead-in to bed time. The kids aren't stupid, they know that. But now, he (they) has accepted that it's just what we do, and with a lot of animation in our voices, they listen happily and enjoy the story. It totally warms my heart to read to them about Jesus and have them get excited about it. I'm so glad we are doing it.

Today we will be making reindeer pictures and maybe snowflakes. We might make cookies and we'll hopefully take good long naps. 

Here are my very few and totally random pictures to share with you. Happy weekend!

Totally happy hanging out under the coffee table.

Proof! We did in fact play outside and the baby wasn't even screaming the whole time. Victory.

Hair drama

Remember when I was obsessed with cutting my hair? I talked about it to everyone, in person, on the phone, facebook, instagram... I was annoying, which I'm fine with since to me it's a huge decision. I mean I've had long hair for years and it's so hard to grow it back out with that awful middle stage... you know the one, where your hair is right below your shoulders and just looks bleh. Well, it does on me anyways. But I digress.

I was all set to chop it off. I had the appointment made and childcare all set up. I was so excited. Then we got hit with illness and I had to cancel it. I was so disappointed but life goes on and now it's been two weeks and I haven't been able to figure out a way to schedule another appointment. Having three kids means finding childcare is difficult and me-time is unheard of. My hair has been in a high bun for... well longer than I can remember! At least it's low maintenance and kind of in style right now. I'm grateful for that. :)

Someday I'll have a ton of time to go get my hair all pretty and sit in quiet without any screaming, wrestling, or giggling surrounding me at all times. I can look polished and well rested later. 

For now, I'll just keep the long hair, high bun, concealer, and coffee and enjoy my nap time peace when I can get it. It's all I've got right now so I might as well, right? Leaving the house (alone) is overrated anyways.

Bullet points for a catch up.

It is so hard to write a post after getting out of the habit of it. How do I fill you in on everything that has happened lately? it doesn't seem possible, so bullet points it is.

• We had a good Thanksgiving. Unfortunately I can't say great, because we have three toddlers that are all in challenging phases and two tired parents, but it was still good. We went to the lake to celebrate with my side of the family. We spent a lot of time in the chilly outdoors, went to town to see my grandparents, and ate a lot of food. That pretty much sums it up!
• We came back on Saturday, so that night, hubby and I went to town cleaning up the house and getting as many Christmas decorations up as we could while the kids were asleep. It was relaxing and fun. We had a fire going and Christmas music on. We each had our projects and the house was relatively quiet. Honestly, it was just what my heart needed.
• The next morning, Sunday, our little fb woke up with a stomach bug and the day kind of went downhill from there. The excitement of Christmas!decorations!everywhere! just caused problems all day and like I said earlier, the challenging phase we are in with the three of them just escalated. It was a long day and not the best way to end the weekend.
• This week is nuts for me. Absolutely nuts. There is way too much squeezed into way too little of time and I can hardly breathe waiting for Thursday to be done. Since I'm super scatterbrained because of it, thank you to those who are helping us out this week (and just lately in general). I do so appreciate it!
• Despite being busy, I so want to enjoy this Christmas season. I have to keep telling myself to keep it simple for the kids. I can already tell that they are in a "me me me" mindset with gifts and new toys coming in left and right, so I want to minimize that as much as possible and spend more time on our Advent calendars, reading books that aren't about Santa (good grief, we have way too many of these), and singing Christmas carols that have real meaning (along with the fun ones too of course). I want good moments, not just good presents. Does that make sense? They don't have to be perfectly staged, but I want this season to be special for the kids in a simple, pure, Jesus-centered way. 
• It is snowing here, yesterday, today, and I'm sure tomorrow, so it looks like winter is here to stay. I love how pretty it looks but I don't love how hard my hubby has to work to clear our driveway (so huge compared to our old one). I also don't love how hard it is to play outside with a one year old that can't walk in her snow pants. We all suffer because of that! If she can't walk, she's unhappy, then we have to come back inside, and the older two are sad that they can't play longer. It is so much work to even get outside in the first place, I'm not sure we'll make many more attempts. 
• Whew I needed this post. So much swirling around my brain and writing this out just helps. Thanks for reading my mind dump. :)

A little blurry, but yet so fabulous. These two are quite the pair.

My mama and me.

Found this on our nature walk (one of many).

These look photoshopped, don't they? They aren't though. I made that pretty hat myself. :)

Being tested

I'm going to be frank. We've had a tough couple of weeks. Fostering a new kid is not entirely to blame, although we've had challenges with that too (I'll get to that). We've been hit with illness and an overbooked schedule. On top of that, we have a toddler who is testing limits left and right and a baby (really, she's one now, she's kind of a toddler, gulp!) that is teething, clingy, and crabby 80% of the time.

But back to fostering. Man, it's been interesting. I've learned so many things in just 3 1/2 weeks. Hubby and I have had some huge discussions and realizations. We've gone around and around on why we are doing this, the impact it has on our lives, our children, our extended families, our friends. It affects so many things, this decision to foster a child. There have been times where I've been overcome with guilt because I feel like we are burdening those around us with something that we chose to do. does that make sense? Yet we can't do it entirely on our own. It's just not possible. Our little FB (foster boy) is doing  pretty great. He's adjusting well and gets along great with the girls. It's a handful with two kids that are about the same mental age (around three years) and another following right behind them, but honestly that hasn't added a crazy amount of stress. It's the schedule. Oh that schedule.

I took on an accompanying commitment for a local high school, just for one event but with a bunch of rehearsals. I had no idea we'd  have a long term placement. It seemed fun, challenging, and entirely doable when I said "yes" to it. Now, it seems overwhelming and burdensome. I don't regret doing it because I love getting to work with these students, but I won't lie that I am ready to be done with it. Except when I'm done, we'll be halfway through the Christmas season and I don't want to rush it. That's been keeping me in the moment, the realization that if I wish away this time, we miss my favorite time of year: Christmas season. So I try to make every day fun for the kids (rarely happens but I do try) and as enjoyable as possible for hubby and myself (still stressful, but we try to control the stress levels as much as we can). 

We agreed to host a big event for our small group and a bunch of international families. We love opening our home up to guests so it was a no brainer. We also had one side of our family's Thanksgiving and Audrey's birthday in the same week. When it rains it pours with hosting in this house. One thing after another. 

We'll be gone for Thanksgiving (and Christmas) and I have a piano recital in a couple of weeks with normal lesson and probably a few make up lessons thrown in up until then. Hubby is trying to stay as busy as he can before slow winter season kicks in, so he's in and out and not entirely reliable for childcare unless carefully planned out. 

I do believe we're being tested. We are doing something that God wants us to do. I have no doubt in my mind that we are called to this. This child, this little boy. However it ends up, however long he is here, he is with our family right now for a reason. We don't regret it. But this doesn't mean that we aren't being tested. God does allow for us to be tested. He isn't the tester, but he does allow it to happen. The only thing we can do (besides just giving up altogether) is to turn straight into His arms and hold on for dear life.

Lest you think I'm complaining, I want to end on a good note.

I'm thankful for our house, perfect for hosting huge amounts of people. 
I'm thankful for our flexibility, especially on the kids' ends. They are champs. 
I'm thankful for our friends and family that are supportive and helpful. 
I'm thankful for these children that challenge me every day but also make me smile and laugh all the time. 
I'm thankful for nap time and bed time. 
I'm thankful for this chilly weather that allows me to bundle up in my favorite outdoor accessories.
I'm thankful for coffee, diet coke (haven't kicked that habit yet), and a healthy body. I'm tired all the time but can you imagine how I'd be if I wasn't physically healthy? Yikes.
I'm thankful for my Savior that keeps me going even when I feel like I can't go on.
I'm thankful for this life of mine.

Audrey's First Birthday Party

After a tough week, we pulled together and threw Audrey her first birthday party. It was so.much.fun! The prepping wasn't too bad. I didn't spend a crazy amount of time planning and preparing, but the day of was busy (as all party days are). My family came to town early to help out and I am so grateful they did because I had a killer headache and three kids running around. I wouldn't have got a lot done on my own.

On to the fun part. Pictures!

First the party decorations:

Streamers, cupcakes, and food

I made the cupcake toppers with my Silhouette machine

Hubby and I made the triple chocolate and vanilla cupcakes the night before and frosted the the afternoon of the party. I don't know why we subject ourselves to torture like that.

In the hallway, I put the pictures from our mini photo shoot on the wall along with a subway art sign of all things Audrey

Some blackboard greetings, using those jumbo letters from the photo shoot again, and party favors for the kiddos

Audrey insisted that everyone wear a hair bow. The men put them on their shirts for the most part and we loved it!

My helpful sister modeling her hair bow. Also, notice all the balloons. Hubby's cousin borrowed us a helium machine and they went to town blowing up balloons so that made the kids happy and the place look particularly festive.

I put her monthly pictures up behind the gift table and hung the birthday banner here too. I love having this at every party. It's a fun tradition to have started with Josie's first birthday.

A little peak at how much she has grown in 11 months.

Christmas decorations that were pink and white worked great as some added bling in the living room. We'll leave those up until the real Christmas decorations make their appearance.

And the birthday girl:

When Josie first saw Audrey, she exclaimed, "She is so beeeyou-tiful!" I couldn't agree more, my dear.

Every time she sat down, her dress did this. It was too cute.

A few pictures from the party:

Josie had a matching feather hair band and could be found holding a balloon for most of the party.

My parents' dog also sported a balloon.

Piles of presents and kids to help open them. Audrey lost interest after the first one.

The only picture we got from her eating her cake. Love that blue eyed girl!

 We also took some family pictures for our Christmas card. Here are a few bloopers (like I'd show you the winner this early...)

Skepticism in mama's eyes, Josie needs some cheering up, and Audrey has no idea where to look.

Nice face, hubby! He's ready... but nobody else is.

Audrey: "Hey Josie, are they for real? Isn't this a party or something?"

We had so many awesome family members and friends that made it. It was a blast to visit with everyone, eat some snacks and cupcakes, and watch the kids destroy enjoy the space and each other. My girl Audrey is worth it! We love her so much and loved celebrating her together.

Audrey Joy is One

Audrey turned one on November 18th. We didn't do anything too crazy on her actual birthday since the birthday party will be on the following Saturday. Fear not, though, because she got plenty of love, kisses, hugs, and love (did I say that?). 

So what is Miss Audrey up to these days? Well, this month, she went from taking one or two steps to taking walks across the room. She doesn't exclusively walk, since sometimes crawling is just faster, but she definitely is walking. It's no longer a question as to whether or not she can do it. What is so funny is that she practices by herself when she doesn't think anybody is watching. Her big accomplishments seem to happen under the radar, on the side of the room or around the corner. I've really had to secretly watch her to catch her picking up speed and distance for the first couple of times. She takes her time with new things but works hard on them once she gets it in her head. I love her determination.

She doesn't have new teeth yet (although the early morning of her birthday consisted of me rocking her to sleep, which is unheard of, and then laying with her on the couch because she was so distraught over her mouth pain) but she can eat anything she wants. Those top two and bottom two do just fine. She must have gone through a growth spurt followed with minimal growing because she went from eating more than Josie to being picky and only wanting milk or water. Now she's back to eating, but she's not quite as easy as she used to be with food selections.

No bottles, no more formula (hallelujah), and no more bottles at night or before bed. She is still waking up with a dirty diaper every other night or so, but we are so glad to have broken the early morning feeding she absolutely insisted on up until this month.

I got out all of Josie's 12-18 month clothes and combined with what Audrey already has, we have enough to dress like four kids. Needless to say, she has options. She's pretty average sized although she feels so small to me compared to when Josie was this age. Part of it is the mobility, part of it is that her hair is still "baby hair," and part of it is that she truly is a little leaner than other kids her age. Don't be fooled, though, she has the sweetest baby rolls on her legs. I just love them. I'm not too eager for her to walk more because I know they'll disappear in a blink of an eye.

Audrey keeps up with the big kids pretty easily. She is getting a little more assertive and lets it be known if someone has wronged her. At the same time, she is pretty easy going. I've seen Josie or other kids take toys away from her and she barely bats an eye. She usually just moves on to the next thing or toy without a second thought but every once in a while, she'll declare war for the toy and it surprises everyone. I love it.

She's more clingy than she used to be. Frequently, I'll look down to her giving me the eyes, you know the ones, begging to be picked up. If I do happen to make eye contact and don't pick her up, she is not happy. She'll scream and throw a mini tantrum until she gets distracted or until she gets her way. Then, of course, she's not interested in me at all once I've picked her up. I'm merely a tool to get higher and to a better location with more fun things. But I don't mind so much that she wants to be around me. It won't be long before she's too busy playing with her big sister to give her mom the time of day.

Her vocabulary is the same. She hasn't really added more words but does have a lot expression. Her favorite new face is a big O mouth with wide eyes and a bit of a cheeky smirk. See below for an example.

Audrey is constantly bring out smiles in everyone around her. It sounds cheesy, but she is just a gem and everyone catches her contagious happiness. I can't even begin to describe how  much we love her.

To prove she doesn't always smile... 

I still can't believe she's already a one year old.

Big day around here

Guess what.

It's Audrey's birthday!

This girl is no longer counting each month because she's...

She's the real deal now. Watch out, Josie. Audrey's catching up!

(full twelve month post coming soon)

Yet another transition

Last weekend was tough. We did respite care for two little kiddos that were the same ages as our girls. To avoid turning this post into a novel, I'll just say that we quickly learned what our limits were and were out of our comfort zones the whole time. Having four kids under three, even for just two days, was way too much.

We also learned that having another girl the same age as Josie really threw her for a loop. She did not handle it well and we paid the price for it with her actions and attitudes all weekend. There were many tantrums, bedtime was insane awful, and she just didn't act like her sweet self.

So we learn from it and move on.

To say we weren't exactly excited for our next placement would be an understatement. Neither of us felt that we had the strength or stamina for another challenge so immediately following the weekend and yet we learned that the county had gotten custody of eleven kids in just three days.

On Monday, we got a 3 1/2 year old boy. We were (and are) worried about the lack of age gap between him and Josie but thankfully she's doing well. He's very quiet and plays well with the girls. I think that being the youngest of six kids has taught him to get along with just about anyone.

That being said, my next concern is how to give my girl Josie enough of my time while still parenting this scared boy and an almost walking almost one year old.

Its a tough thing to balance and something I will never fully master.

Thank you for your prayers as we transition into a family of five for the next (?) little while. We truly are relying on God's strength as we don't have much of own left.

Patience

I've been praying for patience, more so lately than usual. Don't be too impressed. My prayer life is not what it should be. Josie and I have been butting heads the last week or so much more than usual. She's practicing her independence without giving me and what I expect or desire from her a second thought. Time outs, raised voices, and angry looks are happening too often around here and I'm not proud of myself at all.

So, I pray for patience. And God is so good. When I thought that I couldn't do it, He did it for me. When she wriggled and screamed and did everything under the sun to avoid nap time, I calmly sat next to her with one arm across her chest, reminding her that she needed to rest and that I would not leave until she was sleeping. No matter what she threw at me, figuratively and literally, I kept calm. 

You see, bedtime/nap time is when I am the weakest. I lose my patience more so at these times of day than any other. I fail more times than I succeed, and I always leave her room feeling like the worst parent in the world.

But this particular day, Josie fell asleep, I had a few moments of quiet, and the day continued. That moment was so good for me as a parent. To see God work through me, immediately following prayer (and during, I did silently pray over her while she cried for at least half of the time I sat with her) reassured me that I am not alone in this parenting thing.

I've known this, that I'm not alone. I don't always feel alone. But every once in a while, my emotions get the best of me (what mother hasn't experienced this?) and I want to cry out for someone, anyone, to understand how hard this can be, to keep me company, to just be here. 

So that moment was truly a wonderful answer to prayer.

And then, because He always pushes us to truly rely on him, he sent me two more babies to take care of almost all by myself this weekend.

We're doing respite care today and tomorrow for a girl that is Josie's age and a boy that is Audrey's age. It's like having two sets of twins, except that I don't know these two like I know my own kids, so it's a lot more of guessing and hovering to make sure there are kind words and hands. 

I don't think, no, I know that I could not do this on my own all the time. Four kids under three? Two that have come from a struggling home and have a bit of behavior to show from that? I have hardly sat down yet and the day has just begun. 

Today, this nap time is so very sweet. I have failed already today with my temper, patience, tone and volume of voice, but I have also relied on Jesus to get me through numerous moments throughout the day. He gives me strength when I just can.not.do.it.

All four kids are sleeping (thank you Lord!) and I am catching my breath.

The fun will start again soon, I'm sure.