Being tested

I'm going to be frank. We've had a tough couple of weeks. Fostering a new kid is not entirely to blame, although we've had challenges with that too (I'll get to that). We've been hit with illness and an overbooked schedule. On top of that, we have a toddler who is testing limits left and right and a baby (really, she's one now, she's kind of a toddler, gulp!) that is teething, clingy, and crabby 80% of the time.

But back to fostering. Man, it's been interesting. I've learned so many things in just 3 1/2 weeks. Hubby and I have had some huge discussions and realizations. We've gone around and around on why we are doing this, the impact it has on our lives, our children, our extended families, our friends. It affects so many things, this decision to foster a child. There have been times where I've been overcome with guilt because I feel like we are burdening those around us with something that we chose to do. does that make sense? Yet we can't do it entirely on our own. It's just not possible. Our little FB (foster boy) is doing  pretty great. He's adjusting well and gets along great with the girls. It's a handful with two kids that are about the same mental age (around three years) and another following right behind them, but honestly that hasn't added a crazy amount of stress. It's the schedule. Oh that schedule.

I took on an accompanying commitment for a local high school, just for one event but with a bunch of rehearsals. I had no idea we'd  have a long term placement. It seemed fun, challenging, and entirely doable when I said "yes" to it. Now, it seems overwhelming and burdensome. I don't regret doing it because I love getting to work with these students, but I won't lie that I am ready to be done with it. Except when I'm done, we'll be halfway through the Christmas season and I don't want to rush it. That's been keeping me in the moment, the realization that if I wish away this time, we miss my favorite time of year: Christmas season. So I try to make every day fun for the kids (rarely happens but I do try) and as enjoyable as possible for hubby and myself (still stressful, but we try to control the stress levels as much as we can). 

We agreed to host a big event for our small group and a bunch of international families. We love opening our home up to guests so it was a no brainer. We also had one side of our family's Thanksgiving and Audrey's birthday in the same week. When it rains it pours with hosting in this house. One thing after another. 

We'll be gone for Thanksgiving (and Christmas) and I have a piano recital in a couple of weeks with normal lesson and probably a few make up lessons thrown in up until then. Hubby is trying to stay as busy as he can before slow winter season kicks in, so he's in and out and not entirely reliable for childcare unless carefully planned out. 

I do believe we're being tested. We are doing something that God wants us to do. I have no doubt in my mind that we are called to this. This child, this little boy. However it ends up, however long he is here, he is with our family right now for a reason. We don't regret it. But this doesn't mean that we aren't being tested. God does allow for us to be tested. He isn't the tester, but he does allow it to happen. The only thing we can do (besides just giving up altogether) is to turn straight into His arms and hold on for dear life.

Lest you think I'm complaining, I want to end on a good note.

I'm thankful for our house, perfect for hosting huge amounts of people. 
I'm thankful for our flexibility, especially on the kids' ends. They are champs. 
I'm thankful for our friends and family that are supportive and helpful. 
I'm thankful for these children that challenge me every day but also make me smile and laugh all the time. 
I'm thankful for nap time and bed time. 
I'm thankful for this chilly weather that allows me to bundle up in my favorite outdoor accessories.
I'm thankful for coffee, diet coke (haven't kicked that habit yet), and a healthy body. I'm tired all the time but can you imagine how I'd be if I wasn't physically healthy? Yikes.
I'm thankful for my Savior that keeps me going even when I feel like I can't go on.
I'm thankful for this life of mine.