Patience

I've been praying for patience, more so lately than usual. Don't be too impressed. My prayer life is not what it should be. Josie and I have been butting heads the last week or so much more than usual. She's practicing her independence without giving me and what I expect or desire from her a second thought. Time outs, raised voices, and angry looks are happening too often around here and I'm not proud of myself at all.

So, I pray for patience. And God is so good. When I thought that I couldn't do it, He did it for me. When she wriggled and screamed and did everything under the sun to avoid nap time, I calmly sat next to her with one arm across her chest, reminding her that she needed to rest and that I would not leave until she was sleeping. No matter what she threw at me, figuratively and literally, I kept calm. 

You see, bedtime/nap time is when I am the weakest. I lose my patience more so at these times of day than any other. I fail more times than I succeed, and I always leave her room feeling like the worst parent in the world.

But this particular day, Josie fell asleep, I had a few moments of quiet, and the day continued. That moment was so good for me as a parent. To see God work through me, immediately following prayer (and during, I did silently pray over her while she cried for at least half of the time I sat with her) reassured me that I am not alone in this parenting thing.

I've known this, that I'm not alone. I don't always feel alone. But every once in a while, my emotions get the best of me (what mother hasn't experienced this?) and I want to cry out for someone, anyone, to understand how hard this can be, to keep me company, to just be here. 

So that moment was truly a wonderful answer to prayer.

And then, because He always pushes us to truly rely on him, he sent me two more babies to take care of almost all by myself this weekend.

We're doing respite care today and tomorrow for a girl that is Josie's age and a boy that is Audrey's age. It's like having two sets of twins, except that I don't know these two like I know my own kids, so it's a lot more of guessing and hovering to make sure there are kind words and hands. 

I don't think, no, I know that I could not do this on my own all the time. Four kids under three? Two that have come from a struggling home and have a bit of behavior to show from that? I have hardly sat down yet and the day has just begun. 

Today, this nap time is so very sweet. I have failed already today with my temper, patience, tone and volume of voice, but I have also relied on Jesus to get me through numerous moments throughout the day. He gives me strength when I just can.not.do.it.

All four kids are sleeping (thank you Lord!) and I am catching my breath.

The fun will start again soon, I'm sure.