Buttons, new looks, weekend updates, and more

I did it. I made a blog button (such a huge deal, I know). I was bound and determined to figure out how to do it, and it only took me a few hours. Does that show you how techy I am (not)? Regardless, it's on the side of my blog and you are welcome to grab it if you would like. 

I'd absolutely love to do a button trade, so if you are interested in that, let me know please! I also have my blog list on the right side, and would love to add more to it but don't always remember to update it. Let me know if you'd like to be on that too. :) I'm always up for helping out other bloggers (even though my little blog is just that - little).

And also - did you see my new blog look? If you are reading from a reader or through your email you'll have to go to my actual blog page ... I think it's worth it though. I like it. It's nothing fancy but it fits me and isn't as wintery/dark as the last one.

We had a great weekend. We finished up the training for foster care and had dinner with friends on Saturday night. Sunday was great. After church, my sister took Josie to the circus and my parents came up to hang out with Audrey. That left hubby and I to have some free time and we spent it doing the most romantic thing we could think of... shopping! We hit up a few places we had been meaning to go and got back to the house just in time to scarf down some Italian food before my sister and parents hit the road to drive back in blizzard-like conditions(isn't it mid April?). We spent the evening playing with play dough and making rice krispie bars. It was a great day, definitely one for the books.

After church but before we went on our "date," we did a 20 minute clean up where we both just ran around putting away the random things that were homeless and cleaning random floors, toilets, and rooms. I love those short little cleaning spurts when we both motivated at the same time. It felt so good to see the weird little things get done and the house just looked more put together afterwards. I was beaming all afternoon just from that 20 minute session. It's the little things, right?

They stayed for the whole first half (pretty good for a 22 month old) and apparently she hated cotton candy but loved the pickle on a stick. I'm not even a little surprised by this.

Audrey decided to redeem herself from the previous time we were with Grammy and Bappa where she screamed almost the whole weekend prior to her magical chiropractor visit. This time around, she cooed, smiled and giggled for them for most of the afternoon, officially wrapping them around her little finger.

Twas a good weekend.

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The Next Step

We've had a lot of major changes in the last year. I got pregnant with our second child, quit my job, started a piano studio, had a baby, said good bye to our dear Buckley, and grew our (my hubby's) business to be just about twice as busy. With all of that, we still felt a calling from God to add one more major change. We just finished the steps required and are now licensed to do foster care. 

It's something that has been on my heart for a while. I have acquaintances that have recently had foster children, I have come across (purely by accident) a few blogs that were either starting the journey or right in the midst of it. I heard about it more and more through social media and the news. Really, it was right in my face. I felt the familiar nudge of God pointing me towards something, but fear kept me from going after it aggressively for a relatively long time. My biggest fear was bringing this up to my hubby. He loves our kids but isn't what he would refer to as a "kid person." He's never been drawn to other people's kids and didn't feel like he would be good at it. I've learned since we started this process that it is very common for men to feel this way, and that gave me more confidence to continue looking into it.

The process is not simple, although it's not too crazy either. We had to do background checks, get our fingerprints taken, do a home study to make sure we have a safe house, have three references, get interviewed multiple times by a social worker, and then take 24 hours of educational classes. The classes were the most time consuming and took place over three Saturdays. I'm thankful for them, though, because they answered a lot of our questions and addressed a lot of our fears, some that we didn't even know we had. 

Although I did not mention it publicly via Facebook or this blog, we have been talking about it with different people in our lives. It's interesting to see the different responses, most  filled with caution. People have heard horror stories and are quick to pass them on to us to "rescue us" from a bad decision. Others are concerned that we will neglect our children or have our marriage disintegrate. While frustrating to hear, they are valid concerns because these things do happen. I'm most thankful for those in our lives that have been supportive from the very beginning. We have numerous people that have already voiced their willingness to help out when needed and be prayer warriors for us. Occasionally we do hear people say things like "wow that is so great of you!" or "You are amazing for saving those kids!" I promise you, that just makes us feel uncomfortable as we know that we are not any more special than anyone else but are just following what God is calling us to do. Also, from what we have heard, these kids will most likely be huge blessings to us, so "saving them" just doesn't sound right to us. Whew. I'll get off of my soap box now.

Within 24 hours of getting the call that we were officially licensed, we were contacted about a potential child needing a home. I scrambled around the bedroom we have started preparing trying my hardest to get it warm and comfortable for a scared and confused child that would be coming to live with us for a while. There's nothing like last minute news to get this procrastinator moving! I had the entire room cleaned up with the bed made and the drawers empty in about two hours. That particular child did not end up staying with us, but getting the call got me moving to get those loose ends wrapped up. Now at least the room is closer to ready. 

The very beginning of the process: new bedding. I'll post more pictures as the room comes together. It was previously filled with boxes of books, sleeping bags, Christmas decorations, Christmas wrapping paper and supplies, a guest bed, all of my grandmother's paintings, and more (if you can even imagine that being possible). We managed to relocate most of that stuff and the room is cleared out for the most part. Now the problem is that it feels so cold and bare. Definitely a work in progress!

The next day, we got another call. When I talked to my hubby about it, we talked about how ridiculous and sad it is that within such a short period of time, we'd already had two calls. How can there be that many kids that need to get out of a bad situation quickly? We had no idea that it was going to be that quick. The seriousness of what we were doing really hit us then. These kids need a safe home, someone they can trust, someone that can show them Jesus. It's no small thing, and we pray that God is working on our hearts to prepare us for this. (That placement also did not happen. It's a good thing when the placements don't happen because it means that the are either safe at their home (hooray!) or that they have a better home for them already like a relative or someone they know.)

It will be a journey, that's for sure. For privacy reasons, we aren't allowed to share anything about the child or children that we have stay with us. There won't be pictures on here with the child in them and I won't be talking much about him or her. I won't stop blogging of course, but that part of my life will not be public. I'm open to discussing the process of foster parenting. Please let me know if you have any questions! 

We hope you will join our "team" by praying along side us. We're cautiously excited to see what God has in store for us.



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Happy birthday sister! And more

Last night was a rough night. Audrey was up for 2 1/2 hours and we couldn't figure out what to do to get her to sleep. We did the usual, changing the diaper, feeding her, wrapping her, unwrapping her, repeatedly gave her the pacifier. None of it made a difference. She was just unhappy. It dawned on me this morning (post middle of the night haze) that she may be teething and she was uncomfortable. Am I a new mom all over again?? Come on, Sarah, get your head on here. 

I mentioned in this post that I was worried about Josie asking where Buckley is. Thankfully she hasn't really seemed to notice although I wouldn't be surprised if she bring it up later. She's so observant though and I'm sure she's heard us talk about it. Hubby shared with me last night that he had a terrible day yesterday just thinking about what we had to do and trying to discern if it was the right decision. Thankfully by the end of the day we were both feeling better about it. 

It's snowing outside. WHAT IS THAT? It's not just a light snow fall either. It's 'coming down more than usual and not melting away at all. Oh winter, won't you just admit defeat?

I feel like I've been a bit of a debbie downer on here lately. Things have been up and down in our lives and I'm only really sharing the downs, but I promise that we have had plenty of great moments too! 

Today is my sister's birthday. SHE AWESOME. She deserves a great birthday and I can't wait to celebrate with her this weekend.

Holding her god daughter Audrey

We're so desperate to get out of the house today that we are going to the mall to meet up with a friend, walk around, and maybe even play a little (yep, in the dirty germ infested play area. It's going to happen).




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Buckley

We had to do something terribly hard this week. We had to say good bye to our sweet dog, Buckley. It was a tough decision but we knew that it was for the best to find him a new home. 

We got Buckley from an organization that rescues dogs that are abandoned or abused and puts them in a foster home until someone wants to adopt them. It works out well because the dogs can be worked with and trained before being placed in permanent homes. In Buckley's case, it made a big difference for him.

He was rescued from a home where the wife decided to leave her husband who was gone driving truck for a few weeks. She left Buckley in the house alone and the man did not call the adoption organization until two weeks later. Buckley was left in the house for at least 2-3 weeks without food or the chance to go outside. Needless to say, when the volunteer got there to pick him up, she found squishy floors and a scared, shy young dog with a lot of energy mixed with anxiety. Over time, it became apparent that he had been abused as well. He was terrified of men and was especially uncomfortable if a man was wearing a baseball cap. 

He was in foster care for a few months before we got him. We knew his history, but he didn't seem to have any trouble warming up to us. In particular, he absolutely stuck by my side. It took him a while to warm up to hubby (man who wears a baseball cap), but he did eventually learn to trust him and never had a problem with him either. In fact, he absolutely adored hubby. He was a great fit for us.

Fast forward three years, and we have a much fuller house with two little girls and constant traffic with my piano students coming in and out. A few months ago, he did something that really scared me. I was in the kitchen making supper, Audrey strapped on with the Moby wrap, and heard Josie scream out. I ran to see what was wrong and found her standing in the hall way screaming with Buckley hovering in our room by the bed. My guess as to what happened is that she jumped on top of him when he was sleeping and he jumped up in fear, catching her arm with his mouth as a warning. It was obvious that he hadn't intended to bite her, but he did break her skin and we ended up bringing her in to get some antibiotics. It was traumatizing to me most of all. I was terrified of what this meant. 

After that, I watched Josie and Buckley extra close. It was so strange, though, because he didn't seem to be all that uncomfortable around her. Unfortunately, 1 1/2 year olds don't always learn from their mistakes, so she was still fairly aggressive with him and didn't always give him space. We worked on teaching her how to be gentle and loving to animals, but she is still so young. A similar situation happened a month or so later although this time her skin was just lightly scratched. We knew that he was warning her, not trying to hurt her, but it was not okay for him to react like that and we were starting to feel nervous about how we could handle it.

Two more things happened that sealed his fate. One time, a friend of mine pulled him by his collar closer to her and he freaked out. Again, she didn't have a serious injury but he put his teeth on her. Unacceptable. The last thing that happened was the worst. I won't go into a ton of detail, but he ended up jumping on and scratching the stomach of one of my piano students. The kid was terrified and I was shocked. This kid was not a stranger. He had been coming to our house for months and Buckley had never had a problem with him. There was no excuse for it. I could make up reasons why it happened, but ultimately, we knew what we had to do.

He needed a new home, a home without children, without constant movement and new people. We tried to find someone that we knew who would fit that criteria and be willing and happy to take him, but it wasn't meant to be. Ultimately, I ended up calling the organization that we got him from and they said that by contract we were supposed to bring him back to them anyways. I hadn't remembered this and it didn't make me feel any better about it. I felt like we were betraying him. He had finally found a home where he was loved and he felt secure, and we were taking that away from him just like that.

Bringing him there was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know it seems silly to be so attached to a dog, but he came such a long way in the three years we had him and we loved him dearly. While our children come first and that love is totally different, the love of a pet is a strong thing. As I was leaving the shelter, he gave me a look that absolutely broke my heart. I'm not naive enough to think that he knew what was going on, but he knew I was leaving without him at that moment. I'll never forget the look on his face. I cried the whole way home. 

The expectation is that he will be with a foster family soon that will hopefully lead to an adoption. I pray that someone gives him a chance, because although he is a large dog, he is gentle and sweet. He spends most of his time laying around and loves to just hang out. He'd be perfect for someone without kids that doesn't have people coming and going all the time like we do. 

Hubby and I have talked about if and when we'd get another dog. At this point, I'm thinking it won't be any time soon. I could see us getting a dog when our kids are old enough to help out or when I am home alone for parts of the day, but other than that, I don't want to get a dog just to replace him (that would be silly). They do take time and energy and for now that love needs to go to our kids.

The house is empty now. At least it feels that way. I keep waiting for him to scratch at the door to come back in or come out of our bedroom after a long nap. It just makes it harder that he is not yet adopted and waiting for a new home while he had a good home here.

Ultimately, we had to do what was best for him and for us. We could have made him an outside dog but I'm not sure he would have been able to handle that. We could have put him in the garage when we had people over but that didn't solve the problem of our own kids being too aggressive to him. Our guilt is strong right now but we know it will fade. It is out of our hands now.

I am truly thankful for the years we did have with him. He was a great dog.

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