Buckley

We had to do something terribly hard this week. We had to say good bye to our sweet dog, Buckley. It was a tough decision but we knew that it was for the best to find him a new home. 

We got Buckley from an organization that rescues dogs that are abandoned or abused and puts them in a foster home until someone wants to adopt them. It works out well because the dogs can be worked with and trained before being placed in permanent homes. In Buckley's case, it made a big difference for him.

He was rescued from a home where the wife decided to leave her husband who was gone driving truck for a few weeks. She left Buckley in the house alone and the man did not call the adoption organization until two weeks later. Buckley was left in the house for at least 2-3 weeks without food or the chance to go outside. Needless to say, when the volunteer got there to pick him up, she found squishy floors and a scared, shy young dog with a lot of energy mixed with anxiety. Over time, it became apparent that he had been abused as well. He was terrified of men and was especially uncomfortable if a man was wearing a baseball cap. 

He was in foster care for a few months before we got him. We knew his history, but he didn't seem to have any trouble warming up to us. In particular, he absolutely stuck by my side. It took him a while to warm up to hubby (man who wears a baseball cap), but he did eventually learn to trust him and never had a problem with him either. In fact, he absolutely adored hubby. He was a great fit for us.

Fast forward three years, and we have a much fuller house with two little girls and constant traffic with my piano students coming in and out. A few months ago, he did something that really scared me. I was in the kitchen making supper, Audrey strapped on with the Moby wrap, and heard Josie scream out. I ran to see what was wrong and found her standing in the hall way screaming with Buckley hovering in our room by the bed. My guess as to what happened is that she jumped on top of him when he was sleeping and he jumped up in fear, catching her arm with his mouth as a warning. It was obvious that he hadn't intended to bite her, but he did break her skin and we ended up bringing her in to get some antibiotics. It was traumatizing to me most of all. I was terrified of what this meant. 

After that, I watched Josie and Buckley extra close. It was so strange, though, because he didn't seem to be all that uncomfortable around her. Unfortunately, 1 1/2 year olds don't always learn from their mistakes, so she was still fairly aggressive with him and didn't always give him space. We worked on teaching her how to be gentle and loving to animals, but she is still so young. A similar situation happened a month or so later although this time her skin was just lightly scratched. We knew that he was warning her, not trying to hurt her, but it was not okay for him to react like that and we were starting to feel nervous about how we could handle it.

Two more things happened that sealed his fate. One time, a friend of mine pulled him by his collar closer to her and he freaked out. Again, she didn't have a serious injury but he put his teeth on her. Unacceptable. The last thing that happened was the worst. I won't go into a ton of detail, but he ended up jumping on and scratching the stomach of one of my piano students. The kid was terrified and I was shocked. This kid was not a stranger. He had been coming to our house for months and Buckley had never had a problem with him. There was no excuse for it. I could make up reasons why it happened, but ultimately, we knew what we had to do.

He needed a new home, a home without children, without constant movement and new people. We tried to find someone that we knew who would fit that criteria and be willing and happy to take him, but it wasn't meant to be. Ultimately, I ended up calling the organization that we got him from and they said that by contract we were supposed to bring him back to them anyways. I hadn't remembered this and it didn't make me feel any better about it. I felt like we were betraying him. He had finally found a home where he was loved and he felt secure, and we were taking that away from him just like that.

Bringing him there was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I know it seems silly to be so attached to a dog, but he came such a long way in the three years we had him and we loved him dearly. While our children come first and that love is totally different, the love of a pet is a strong thing. As I was leaving the shelter, he gave me a look that absolutely broke my heart. I'm not naive enough to think that he knew what was going on, but he knew I was leaving without him at that moment. I'll never forget the look on his face. I cried the whole way home. 

The expectation is that he will be with a foster family soon that will hopefully lead to an adoption. I pray that someone gives him a chance, because although he is a large dog, he is gentle and sweet. He spends most of his time laying around and loves to just hang out. He'd be perfect for someone without kids that doesn't have people coming and going all the time like we do. 

Hubby and I have talked about if and when we'd get another dog. At this point, I'm thinking it won't be any time soon. I could see us getting a dog when our kids are old enough to help out or when I am home alone for parts of the day, but other than that, I don't want to get a dog just to replace him (that would be silly). They do take time and energy and for now that love needs to go to our kids.

The house is empty now. At least it feels that way. I keep waiting for him to scratch at the door to come back in or come out of our bedroom after a long nap. It just makes it harder that he is not yet adopted and waiting for a new home while he had a good home here.

Ultimately, we had to do what was best for him and for us. We could have made him an outside dog but I'm not sure he would have been able to handle that. We could have put him in the garage when we had people over but that didn't solve the problem of our own kids being too aggressive to him. Our guilt is strong right now but we know it will fade. It is out of our hands now.

I am truly thankful for the years we did have with him. He was a great dog.

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