Decisions, decisions

Easter weekend was tough. Audrey was tough. She spent 90% of it screaming and I spent 90% of the weekend struggling to understand what the problem was. 

After all of your suggestions and reassuring words from this post, I tried a bunch of things this weekend to try to help my supply. I tried feeding her every hour, taking the mama's milk tea (disgusting, by the way), pumping afterwards and in between feedings, giving her plenty of time to get every last bit, etc. Some of them worked but not for long. I had two good days with a great amount that filled her up, and then it dropped off again. Let me tell you, holding my screaming baby at 3:00 in the morning knowing that she's hungry and that I don't have enough to feed her rips a mama's heart out.

For whatever reason, my supply is just not holding on. I hate admitting it because that feeling of failing is right at the surface. I know that it doesn't mean anything and that I'm still her mom and good enough for her, but it's there. 

My options are to stop altogether or to do a juggling act between breast feeding and formula. It's less than ideal, but I'm willing to do it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping that my supply would come back in the meantime. I do realize that the chances of this are slim to none if I'm supplementing, but the thought is still there.

For now, I am feeding her until she won't try anymore and then giving her a couple of ounces of formula. We'll see how it goes.

That was how the weekend was with Audrey. Josie, on the other hand, had a great time. She went with the flow the whole time and was constantly providing a laugh. With the exception of church on Sunday (right at nap time), she was great. 

Most of the pictures I took were random phone pictures, but they still show a glimpse of the weekend.

Jo loves to wake up and play immediately when at Grammy and Papa's, so she spends most of the morning in her PJ's.

We went outside on Saturday afternoon but didn't have Audrey's snowsuit. It was sunny and nice (ABOVE 40 degrees) so we wrapped her up in blankets and Josie's sweatshirt. She was so cozy warm that she fell asleep with the sun shining on her sweet face.

Right before church, she was THIS tired.

We sat in the front row since my mom and sister were part of the praise team, and during Josie's meltdown, she decided the only person she wanted to be near was auntie Lara. That lasted for a couple of minutes, and then we all headed to the nursery....

...where she was happy  as can be since she got to play instead of sit in the uncomfortable pew.

It was an exhausting weekend. For everybody.
 Here's to a better week!

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  1. I'm telling you, contact my friend Alison the midwife! She can help with all natural ways to get your production up. she is very educated in bf'ing and knows tons!!! i told her about you and she said you can feel free to call her

    (602) 663-0631

  2. Alison4/02/2013

    Hi. I'm the afore mentioned midwife friend of Charity. :) I would be more than happy to talk with you about what's going on and what you may be able to do to help. My strong suspicion is a type 3 or 4 tongue tie. They don't look like a classic tongue tie but they prevent the baby from transferring enough milk and adversely affect milk production. You can google images of tongue tie. They come in four varieties. The first two are really obvious. The other two types are much less obvious. Pediatricians usually do not pick up on them. Midwives and dentists are your best bet.

  3. Rachel Maynard4/02/2013

    I'm sorry things are so stressful! I really hope it works out for you soon. As I said in my previous comment it's better for her to have some breast milk and supplement than to have none at all, but you have to weigh up how much stress it's all causing. I can sympathise!

    Rachel @ www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com

  4. love the pix of jo in the nursery, all dressed up with her braid, love audrey's summer sweater, looked so happy and grown up in the walker, laughed at lara sleeping - that shows what all us adults felt like:)

  5. katecraig4/02/2013

    I'm so sorry :( Nursing is so much more complicated than it sounds