Being Hosts (Opening up our home)

Last week, we hosted people in our home four out of the five week days ranging from over 20 people to a handful of people to a single dinner guest. One day, we even had two separate events, one in the morning, and one in the evening. Every week on average, we have people in our home at least two days, often three. This week, though, really required us to stretch our hosting abilities and comfort levels. 

Can I tell you something? It's such a blessing. 

This culture of ours can be so very strange. The middle class (huge as it is) emphasizes making your home beautiful, picture perfect, and ready to host large groups. The newer homes feature large kitchens with islands perfect for setting up buffets full of food or drinks, with an open concept to keep everyone together even while a meal is being prepared or served. There are multiple bathrooms available. The larger living room offers more options for comfortable seating with sectionals, chairs, couches, and loveseats. Some homes even have mini movie theatres, complete with personalized recliners and elevated seating. 

Yet so often, these perfectly designed homes stay quite private. The movie theatres go almost unused since there are also large TVs in the other more commonly used rooms in the house. The family uses the home, sure, but the features that make these homes great for hosting do not get used for actual hosting.

Why is that? I cannot speak for everyone, but I know for myself there is a level of fear there that I have to work at to overcome. Part of the pressure to have a beautiful home means that there is a lot of room to fail, be judged harshly, and get burnt out. What if the people coming into my home look around and think, "This is it?" What if the kids destroy the rooms they play in, leaving little tornados everywhere for me to clean up later? What if I run out of plates or forks? What if I forgot to clean the lip under the edge of the table and my guest notices this? WHAT IF? The list can go on and on.

I actively fight against this. Well, I'm trying to actively fight against this. If someone comes into my home and thinks, "This is it?" the chances are they will not actually tell me. I may feel it when I watch them look around, or hear comments that aren't necessarily kind in nature, but ultimately, my imagination is really more of the problem here. I can only imagine what they are thinking and that does not usually work in my favor. The other side of this is a bigger issue. Am I actually closing up my home to others because of what others think? There's a word for that. Pride. The bible states clearly what we should do with this kind of pride.


Proverbs 16:18: Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.

Psalm 10:4: In his pride the wicked man does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

If we are focusing on ourselves and what others think of us, we cannot also be focusing on God. We cannot be using our gifts given to us to glorify Him. That's bad! Right?? I mean, isn't that the point of our lives? To use our lives to glorify Him?

I've been wrestling with this for years. My husband and I both enjoy hosting people in our homes. We get a rush from it, energy that kind of bursts out while we prepare and enjoy our guests and then fizzles out leaving us exhausted by the end of the day. It's convenient for us that we both enjoy it, but that doesn't really make it less work. 

Hosting is a lot of work. It's helpful that we enjoy it, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. Whether or not you are aiming to impress or just trying to be prepared, your house needs to be relatively clean. I panic a little sometimes when I think of my standard of clean versus someone else's. Will they think we are huge slobs? Will they find that spot on the high chair that I keep missing, with layers of food stuck there for months? Will they notice that the floorboards in the bathroom are full of dust? Will they look at our floors and think that they are clearly not freshly mopped? 

After years of hearing that hospitality is something God requires of his children, I learned that I am setting up obstacles that He does not require. God does not require us to have every room perfectly cleaned. He doesn't expect us to spend the entire day deep cleaning areas that nobody will notice anyway. He doesn't expect every pillow to be in place, every piece of clothing hung up, every dish cloth to hang perfectly. Those expectations are worldly, placed in our minds by the enemy, giving us reasons to say no, turn away people you otherwise could share your lives with, and close ourselves off to other opportunities. It pains me to think that we have done this in the past. If God has given both of us the gift of hospitality, why would we let anything stop us from doing it?

God does not require us to be perfect, either. There are things to consider and be aware of when someone is visiting. Where should they put their coats and bags? Do they need something to drink? Do they know where the bathroom is? The list can go on and on. If this is what overwhelms you, the need to be present and ready to jump up and serve your guest, I would like to remind you that our culture works in our favor here. In many other countries, the expectations put upon the hosts are nonverbal but very important. It would be rude to not offer drinks or food. Some countries expect slippers to be provided when guests arrive. Some countries expect there to be multiple courses to every meal. America's culture is so much easier than this! Most of the time, guests are welcome to grab a drink if they want one. They can leave their shoes on or take them off. There is not a list of things unsaid that are passively expected. America's culture is casual which makes hosting quite a bit easier.

In our home, we keep things pretty casual. I keep the bathroom relatively clean, I try to sweep the floor and wash the table. I prefer to have the meal at least mostly ready if the guests are coming to eat, but I don't mind finishing it up while visiting with them. Mostly, though, I am honest with myself that when we invite people into our homes, we are inviting them into our lives. They are going to see a little bit of our messes. They are going to see me disciplining my children because that's what happens when you are parents; you have to continue to do it even when other people are around. They are going to see that some of our rooms are much less clean than others. That's okay. In fact, most people are more comfortable when they see imperfection. It's a relief, isn't it? Personally, when I notice something imperfect in someone else's home, I think to myself, "Oh good! They aren't as perfect as they seem. I can relate much more now."

There are a few things that we do in our home and with our family that have helped make it easier to open up our homes.

1. I work with the girls almost every single day to maintain a clean room. We take out most of the toys so there is less clutter, and I expect them to put away pajamas, dirty clothes, and clean clothes that are left out every morning before they can play. I also expect them to make the bed. Most days, if the bed was made the day before, it's quick and easy to make again. Most of it is done! You just need to straighten the blanket and pillow. It's when we don't make it for days that it gets completely pulled apart and messy. If they do this every morning, it's done in less than five minutes and they do it without grumbling. It's a habit more than anything. Sure, it was hard to get them to do it at first, but after a few weeks, they figured out that it was expected and that they could play quicker and sooner if they just did it. 
2. I have streamlined how I clean the bathrooms. Keeping the cleaning supplies stored together, it probably only takes five minutes to wipe down the sinks and counters and clean the toilets. That's all I do! There's no need to clean the shower every time someone is coming over. The floor gets mopped when I mop the rest of the house. The mirrors are on an "as needed" basis. If there are toothpaste marks or finger smudges, I grab the Windex but if there isn't, they can wait another week.
3. I bought a sweeper that is much wider than a broom, kind of like you see in schools. I can whip around the edges of each room in just a few minutes (that's where the dust and dirt always seem to gather) and the room is instantly feeling cleaner.
4. Keep the counters clean! I hate when the junk drawer items linger on the counter, so I don't allow it to happen. Easier said than done, right? But honestly, it stresses me out, so I've just not let it happen, mainly by purposefully finding homes for the things that regularly end up there. Anything that can go in cupboards or be put away is put away on a daily basis. I've learned to throw the dish towel and wash cloth in the laundry room right before guests arrive. The less stuff there is to clutter it up, the easier it is to clean up quickly. 
5. We keep folding chairs and disposable plates and cutlery stored in our storage room just off the kitchen so that they are easy to grab if we need them. They used to be in our basement, but it was inconvenient to go and get them. Just the thought of dragging them through all the twists and turns and up the stairs makes me break out in a sweat, so their new home is definitely better.
6. I keep bottled water on hand (stored with the other things mentioned above) that I take out just for our guests. We don't use them when it's just our family at home, so I don't need to worry about us running out or not having enough for everyone. Having them on hand is just one more way to make our guests feel at home (it's easier to just grab a bottle of water than find the glasses and figure out our filtered water). We don't always do this, but for bigger events, it's handy.

My prayer is that our culture can be more willing to open up our homes. With fences and attached garages, it seems harder and harder to get to know your neighbors, and more and more we find ourselves engaging with our devices instead of the people around us. My hope is that we can actively fight against the urge to shut others out, and instead connect with each other on a personal level. For us, that is done best when we are at our home.

Amelia's first birthday party

Amelia's birthday party was a smashing success. We themed it "Winter Wonderland" and many of our friends and family were able to come celebrate our youngest lady. 

With snowflakes hanging from the ceiling all over the place, the theme was kept simple by having a hot chocolate bar, homemade sugar cookies, and popcorn. It was fun to put it all together. The big girls were too busy playing with their friends to get in on many pictures, so you don't even get to see how sweet Josie's matching outfit was with the birthday girl. I guess I need to find another excuse for them to wear their gold and cream outfits!

I used my Silhouette Cameo to make the snowflakes and Happy Birthday banner. The monthly photos poster is from Shutterfly. (See a close up version below.)

I try to use any opportunity I can to make and decorate sugar cookies because it's fun and they are so pretty. Bonus: they tasted good too!

Instead of a cake, I freehanded a large "1" cookie and gave that to Amelia as a smash cookie vs a smash cake.

I had loads of help from hubby, although you wouldn't know it from this picture...

I found the chalkboard banner at Target in the Hot Spots section. It's definitely reusable and pretty generic, so I count that as a win!

Hot chocolate bar complete with toppings.

When it was time to sing to her, she looked around the room with a solemn look on her face. I don't think she quite believed it was all aimed at her, although everyone was grinning and looking at her the entire time. While leaning over towards the candle, I think I pinched her hand a little. Poor girl, she ended up crying and never got to even try to blow out her candle.

She did recover, and happily sat in her high chair nibbling on her cookie, one piece in each hand while she watched the chaos that was happening around her. She only ended up eating a tiny piece of the oversized cookie.

She got to spend a little more time with her cousin-twin, Asher (10 weeks younger). I love seeing them side by side at different ages.

I forgot to get a family shot until all the natural light was gone, but we still got a decent one considering the party was over and the sugar highs had run out. Also, Josie had already changed by this point, so no cute matching outfits here. 

We like to do a bigger party for their first birthdays, and this one was perfect! Low stress, high fun, just the way we like it.

Amelia Jane turns one

Amelia turned one a few weeks ago! I will post about her party soon, but this post is about what she's up to right now and how much she's grown in the last month. It's crazy (and if I'm being honest, a bit of a relief) that I won't be doing her monthly posts anymore. That first year of her life is done already. So fast, yet so slow.

We went to the doctor this week (two weeks late, as always) and learned that Amelia weighs 18 lbs 10 oz (29%) and 2' 4.5'' (22%) and her weight to height ratio is just under 50%. To put it in perspective, in the last three months she's jumped up on her weight by 13% (in a healthy way of course) and slowed down on her growth in length by about 25%. Josie was 22 lbs and 30 inches tall and I can't find Audrey's stats but I think she was just about the same weight and height as Amelia is now.

Teething has been a bear lately, with her getting two molars in and at least one more working it's way down and through any day now. When it's the worst, she wants to nurse (a lot) and be held. She wants to eat but doesn't want what she has to eat. It's a hard struggle for this one year old. She used to be such an amazing eater. Now, she spends more time playing with it, throwing it on the floor, and screaming for whatever else she wants but can't communicate. It's reeeeal fun. She took to drinking milk like a pro and downs her whole glass in under five minutes, but then she won't always eat what has been put in front of her. I refuse to play the "feed her only what she wants" game at this point because it'll only encourage her to be ridiculously picky. If she doesn't eat what we are eating, she gets some cheese and more milk or water. She gained enough weight the last few months so I'm not too worried. Usually, it's a phase anyway!

Mobility. So fascinating to watch her in this area. So far, she's still not walking, but man can she cruise once she's holding on to something. I really tried to get her to let go and only hold onto my hand with one hand and she's gotten pretty good at that. She still has a lot of work to do with her balance, but you can see the progress all the time. She finally full out crawls (happened about two weeks before her birthday) and as always, it's adorable. Any time a baby crawls around, exploring, it is just the cutest thing, right? She's so very happy now that she can make her way around the house freely.

In an effort to not drive myself crazy, our house is only somewhat baby proofed. Most of the outlets have plugs, the stairway is gated off (more to keep the older two from destroying the playroom at will than anything) and sometimes I make a point to close the toilet lids. Our cleaning supplies have been on a shelf out of kids' reach since we moved in. Other than that, I've worked a lot with the older girls to remind her not to put things in her mouth. We don't keep small things or toys out (I try to pick up everything as I notice it instead of letting it be like we did before we had little babies) and the girls know that each small toy has a home and to put the toys in their homes. Generally, it's been fairly easy to keep her out of trouble. Oh, and I'm encouraging hubby to secure our larger furniture to the wall (her dresser, bookshelves, etc). She's free to roam around the main level with her sisters so it gives me piece of mind when I know she won't be crushed. Logical, I know.

The coolest part with Miss Millie is that she is understanding us more and more. I can tell her to shut the cabinet door and she'll do it. I ask her to stop doing something and she can look at me, look back at what she's doing, and stop. The crazy part is 75% of the time she really will listen and even obey. Cool, right? I am always surprised when she actually follows through and does whatever it is I'm asking. She's barely one and can't talk yet! Yet she knows to shut a door or put the toys in the basket.

She signs "all done" and sometimes claps, which also means "more" in her world. I cannot get her to do "milk" but that's okay because lately it means nursing but soon it will mean drink in general since we are phasing out of nursing. That is confusing enough for me let alone for her... so I don't push that one. She love loves loves to help me clap my hands and the other day purposely entertained me by slapping her thighs before making a sly face, over and over again. It was admittedly hilarious, so I can see why she did it a hundred times. To really bring out the laughs, she plays hide and seek with all of us multiple times a day. Sometimes she just turns her head, sometimes she hides behind a wall, sometimes she lifts up her blanket over her head. There are a bunch of variations and they are all entertaining. She's really a true entertainer. She also busts a move when she hears a good beat. It's an elusive dance that only lasts three seconds at the most, so you have to watch carefully if you want to see it.

Mostly, she sleeps from 7:00 pm to 6:00 am. She still wakes up earlier most days but will often go back to sleep with the help of a diaper change or a pacifier find. She takes a solid two naps unless we aren't home in the morning, and once in a while she still squeezes in a quick half hour nap around 4:30. I thought briefly that we were done with the first and last one, but nope, it was just a weird day or two where she was too silly to sleep (and as always we all paid for it later that day). She still likes to be snuggie wrapped in her blanket, and so really fast at hopping out of her wrapped blanket to standing position the minute she is done sleeping (or thinks she's done before she's actually begun). Also, her wake up call is screaming, so there's that. She's not the happiest upon waking.

This month is the first month that she has truly played with her sisters. They've played...at her... in the past, but now they give her princesses, make room for her, play games centered around her (age appropriate for her) and purposely seek her out to play. Josie is much better about not dragging her around so I can leave the two of them to play in the big girls' room while I get something small done. This is one of the reasons it's easier having more than one kid. When it was just Josie, nobody else could distract her or entertain her so it was left to me to try to squeeze in housework and meal prep and do that at the same time. Now, I set her up with a few toys, a sister or two, and check in often and she's as happy as can be. It's a huge blessing and I'm thankful for it.

Her report card from nursery and the gym is glowing as always. Both places have pointed out how crazy easy she has been to watch and how she is hardly phased at all when other kids take something from her or trip over her. She's turned into the typical third child with her demeanor around a lot of people. Whew! I was hoping this would happen and it did. She's full of personality but much easier to be around.

What else? There is so much more. She's seriously full of life, full of personality, and full of specific characteristics that are unique just to her. I find myself thinking about summer with a one year old and can't hardly wait. The world is so fascinating and new and exciting to her and once again I'll get to experience it through a toddler's eyes. This time, I also get to share this with two sisters who delight in her just as much (I know, I mentioned this in another post, but it's worth pointing out again). Last summer, I witnessed a set of sisters that were about the same ages as what my girls will be this summer. The bigger two led the little one around happily and helped her when she needed it while also teaching her how to play. It was the sweetest thing, watching as I held my little tiny immobile baby and I cannot wait for it to be my girls this year (outside! in the sun! and water!).

She's a delight. We love her. She's one! Now, we have a 4 1/2 year old, a 3 year old, and a 1 year old. How is this possible?? Slow down, time!

Productivity wins

What a day! Since I'm at home all week, I generally try to do the cleaning on weekdays and leave the weekends for family time. It's a huge thing, to have the whole weekend free to just be together. Of course, most weekends we have something going on or have a project in the works so we don't just have tons of time, but generally we get a lot of quality time together. You know the saying, "quality over quantity?" Well that's the goal. Hubby works a lot during the week, usually 10-13 hour days. He really makes an effort to be home for supper (usually pretty late) and bedtime (his time with the girls, I usually try not to get in the way). He tries to keep the weekends work-free as much as possible, and so far that has made for a good balance between owning a business that requires a lot of man hours and family time. 

All that to say, I spent the whole afternoon and evening cleaning and working. It was strange! It also made me grateful that we can do things the way we usually do them. I hated spending the whole day cleaning instead of just hanging out with the girls and hubby, yet I was also able to appreciate the actual act of cleaning the place up thoroughly with the help of another adult. (because kids under five are not truly helpful, amen?) 

So, I made a To Do list and went to work. Rarely am I able to get it all done (never, if we're being honest) and this time I was proud of my results. The bathrooms would have had to be redone if I had done them on Sunday since we are hosting two things on Tuesday and clean bathrooms the day is obviously a requirement. Returning something meant leaving the house and that just wasn't happening, so I didn't mind leaving that on the list. So - success! It felt so good!

Don't be deceived. Cleaning the playroom and mopping the floors are huge things that are always working against me, so getting them both done in one day meant that I was truly hustling. 

On top of the listed chores, I also went to town wiping down walls, doors, trim, and railings. Finger marks are abundant in a house with little children. I got more laundry done than planned, and dealt with a crabby baby throughout most of it. Teething is winning with the little lady, but more of that later.

Repost from instagram, but this clean kitchen makes a mama happy

And finally, I got to work in the office and  actually got completely caught up. That hasn't happened since before Amelia was born. I have been perpetually one or two months behind all year, and on top of the monthly things I have to do, I also had a list of things that should just be done because it's a hot mess in there. All of those things are done! It's like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, and I can breathe again. I also picked up all the junk craft stuff on the floor that had been slowly taking over, and now the room itself is much less embarrassing to show people. That's what counts, right? 

Okay, enough bragging of my amazing cleaning and working abilities...

I really got crazy, decorating the calculator and everything.

It was a productive weekend, to be sure. If you made it this far, then you are rewarded with a blurry picture of a just-waking baby. I had hoped to get a shot of her sleeping with her sweet little arms behind her head, but some sister somewhere screamed and woke her up. (Always.) So, like mentioned earlier, this girl is teething and it's painful for all of us. Can't she just get them all and be done with it? It seems never ending. 

We have a busy week full of activities (some at our house, hence the cleaning that was much needed). Here's to good health and plenty of rest!