That time I had a huge momma fail

A typical evening, we got back from our evening walk to the park and I remembered it was the night before garbage pick up. I ran around the house grabbing all the garbage bags and ran past the sleepy Audrey, who was just starting to fuss. Running outside, I passed Josie and literally ran out the door. 

I came back to the garage door to find that it was locked. Just the deadbolt, not the handle, but I couldn't get inside. I am not sure if Josie did it or if it jiggled just enough to be locked. With no spare key, I didn't panic as I listened to Audrey scream (of course by this point she was past the point of just fussing but I had assumed I'd be in and out in under a minute) and ran through my options. We have three other entrances to the house, but all were locked. Not just the deadbolts, but the door handles too.

In my effort to keep us safe, I had effectively locked myself out of the house. My paranoia about doors always being locked all day long was now biting me you know where. 

I tried to coax Josie into unlocking the door, but the knocking (pounding, I was now starting to panic) and my voice on the other side of the door scared her. She couldn't see me, and she knew something was wrong. 

I tried to locate which door she was at (she was wondering around confused from door to door as I yelled "go to the garage door!") by looking in the windows, but of course I'm also paranoid about people watching us from outside, so the blinds were almost shut. 

At this point, as I listened to both of my babies (I'm tearing up just remembering this) screaming on the other side, I knew I needed help. I ran over to our neighbor's house (who I have not yet met) and calmly asked if they had a spare key. The teenage girl said, "what?" and my calm immediately turned to terror. My girls were stuck in the house and we just moved in and do you have a spare key? No? Okay, off I ran back to the house to try to coax Josie into turning the lock (just the deadbolt, not the handle). 

Neighbor girl got her mom and they came running over to see if they could help. I continued trying to get Josie to the one door that only had one of the two locks locked, and the neighbor girl kept me updated where she was in the house by looking through the one window that wasn't closed off by shades.

Her mom had called the police who apparently don't charge to break in the house for you. I kept sweet talking my crying two year old, and just like that, the girl had turned the lock and I was inside with her in my arms, running to Audrey who was just down the hall. I vaguely heard the neighbor mom tell the police that I had gotten in, but all I could think about or do was hug my girls and thank God that I could be there to comfort them, smell their sweet smell, and feel them in my arms. 

It wasn't a big deal, because it ended on a happy note, but at the time, my momma heart was exploding with fear. I was picturing myself breaking windows, ripping screens, doing whatever I had to to get to my girls. Total, it was probably about 15 minutes, but those were the longest minutes of my life.

So that was my evening. I got to meet the neighbors. I got to cuddle my girls and tell Josie how proud I was of her for being brave even when she was scared. I told her she was my helper and that I loved her so so much. And then I sat in the chair after they were in bed and just thanked the Lord for his greatness and All Mighty protection. 

I'd rather not have another day like this one, though.




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Catch up

We said good bye to our foster girl on Tuesday. She moved on to a better suited home (closer to school among other things) and we all feel a little off. It's crazy how just seven days can create a new normal. 

God blessed us with her, of that I'm sure. She came to us at a great time although it may not have seemed like it on the surface. We are in a rough season with hubby working out of town for an extended period of time, living in a new house (although fun, the novelty is wearing off and we are trying to just make it work while we figure out what needs to be done next), me having a foot injury (more on that in a bit) and the throes of toddler hood. On the surface, it doesn't look that tough, but it's just the right combo to make me feel a little off.

Then we get a call for a foster kid that is way over our age range (11, when we are licensed for 0-7) yet I felt totally at peace saying yes. And? It was great. She was helpful, sweet, talkative, and funny. We had some serious talks and a lot of good conversation, and we got to see things from her perspective, which was refreshing. 

We had prayed that God would show us if we should continue foster care with our next kid, and that he did. Now we are praying for direction with the age limitations. Should we be opening our home to older kids instead of younger kids? Do we just broaden it? Was this a once in a lifetime thing and all other preteens would be totally different? We know that all kids are different, which makes it so hard to "plan" anything with foster care. Then there is the fact that we really aren't that much older than them. I mean, if I would have had this girl myself, I would have only been 15. Possible, but unlikely. If we took an older kid, that gap would be even smaller. 

So for now we sit back, pray, and wait to see what happens. We aren't in control, so why pretend that we have decisions to make?

Jo's new shoes that actually kind of fit, after ordering a pair online that ended up too big (now in her closet just waiting for their shining moment...probably over a year from now).

It's been three weeks since I went to the doctor for my foot. I've been faithfully wearing a walking boot even though it's driving me crazy, and I was excited to see the improvement once I took it off. Instead, I was painfully aware that my foot still hurt just as much as before. Discouraged, I talked to a friend last night that is a physical therapist. Maybe there is scar tissue, maybe it isn't quite healed, and maybe I'm just feeling some pain from the muscles sitting unused for three weeks. For now, I'm applying a heating pad and wearing the brace off and on, depending on how I feel. 

Why didn't I go back to the doctor? When they did the Xray, the doctor couldn't see anything, so he was more or less guessing on what it was. I do think he was right, after all that is the conclusion that I had, my friend the PT had, and my chiropractor had. But what I gathered from our little discussion is that after I wore the walking boot, he would determine if it was healed by what I said, not by anything he could see or do. Our deductible is very high, so I chose to not go back to him until I have a better understanding of how it is doing. I didn't think it was worth it to go back, have him ask me how it felt, me tell him it still hurt, and him to tell me to keep wearing it for three more weeks. 

I'll probably go back if it doesn't improve, but for now I'm planning on waiting it out while being cautious and taking the precautions I listed above.

Our house is lovely. It's comfortable for us and we seem to fit it nicely. We are learning new things here and there about it (it really is like making a new friend) and sometimes the list of things to do seems completely overwhelming. Part of that is that with  hubby being gone, what I can do and what I need his help/opinion for gets muddy and the list gets long. Some things seem like they need to be done right!now! but in reality are not that important (I'm looking at you, towel rods and loops in the bathrooms). Some things are very important but not logistically possible (ah hem, fence in the backyard). Sitting back and doing nothing feels so wrong, but it's my only option as I hop around on one good foot and still manage to chase around two babies. There isn't a lot of time left over let alone ambition or skill (if I'm being honest, I'm no carpenter). It's a good lesson in patience.

Weight loss has basically plateaued. My head's not in it, like I said last week,and I've let another week slip by without doing anything to change it. Loneliness at night without hubby here leads to me ruining a good day. Every day. I end up eating something, whether it is healthy or not, that I just don't need. Old habits live on, and I'm definitely not taking the steps to change it. I need to stop making excuses because never will there be a perfect time to make the changes and see results. There are always obstacles and hurdles to overcome.

As down as I sound, I am loving this time of year. It's so beautiful outside, and while we are not enjoying it as much as I would like, the times we are out and about are wonderful. We had so much fun at the lake, fishing, swimming, playing outside, walking around (limited for me, but still wonderful). Family time was fun, the weather was pretty great (although it was pretty Fall-like for being the end of August). I'm so thankful for weekends like that. I love looking outside and seeing signs of Fall. I just get filled with excitement. One of these days I am going to decorate for Fall but the motivation is not quite there yet. Maybe if my foot starts feeling better, I'll start craving activity like that again. One can hope, right?

Hey, it's Thursday! That's good news. The weekend is almost here, we're just about through with this strange week. Anything big planned for this weekend?

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The funk is gone, the changes keep coming

I think I am safely out of the self proclaimed rut I was in for a couple of weeks. Seriously, it wasn't pretty. I spent a lot of time sitting around, partly because my foot is in a boot so I needed to rest it and partly because I just didn't feel like doing anything.

Moving is so exciting, but then there is that period of time after you get all of the obvious things put away and in place. You know what I'm talking about. When the only things left to unpack are so random that they don't have logical homes and you have to really thing about it, try different places, and decided what to keep, buy, and throw away. It can be overwhelming. It's also not really that fun. I love organizing spaces. I think it is one of those under appreciated loves of life. But sometimes it's just not fun, and that was what I was stuck with last week. I didn't want to do it because I knew I'd either have to do it again sooner or later or it didn't have a logical place and I knew it'd drive me crazy. 

On top of that, walking around is just not fun. This boot is driving me crazy, and I have ripped it off a couple of times just to let my foot breathe. The 90+ temps combined with the feeling of wearing a winter boot all day makes me ornery but thankfully that's just once in a while and not all of the time. 

Single parenting. Not my favorite. I'm crazy impressed with parents that do this full-time and am so thankful to have my hubby when he can be here. We're doing okay, but we are more in survival mode than thriving mode and I don't want to stay in this place for too long.

I ordered a preschool curriculum guide to do with Josie to keep us focused and on a regular schedule this year. I'm so excited to start! It's called ABC Jesus Loves Me. It's Christ centered, has room for flexibility with the activities, and is easy to adapt if we need more or less time. I love that it is on a weekly schedule so that you don't have to try to get XYandZ done each day. Check it out if you want to understand more. I have high hopes for this one.

We have our second foster kiddo staying with us this week. It's not looking like a long stay, which bums me out a little. We were hesitant after our first foster kid because we didn't feel that we clicked with him. You can read more about that here. We both felt certain that God was not saying that we were done with this yet, so we left the door open to it and continued living our lives. 

Our foster kid is 11. That is a lot older than we were/are comfortable with! I'm fairly certain that if my hubby was here, he'd be panicking since he has zero experience with preteen girls. I, on the other hand, have really clicked with her and am enjoying having someone a little older around to talk with and keep me company. She's helpful and loves reading. The little girl in me jumped for joy when she wanted to go to the library to get a few books for the week. Not just silly books, either, but good books that I so hope my girls will want to read someday. 

But like I said earlier, it won't be a long stay. She's pretty far away from school and it makes it hard on the social worker and me to get her there and back each day so more than likely she'll be leaving us. I'm so thankful that God has given me this gift though. Having her stay with us even for a little while has shown me that we can do this. Each child is different, it will never be exactly the same. Anticipating the unknown, dreading it, just makes it worse, and we can't do anything about it until it is here. 

More and more, I am learning to give the gift of hospitality, of sharing our home, our lives. It's a work in progress, but so so good. It's one of the best ways we can serve the Lord in this season of babies and busy work schedules.

For now, I am enjoying my new found motivation, company of a preteen, toddler being less crabby and mischievous, and baby being on the other side of teething. Life is good (but my hubby can come back any time of course).




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Audrey Joy, nine months old

Audrey Joy turned nine months old on August 18th. This month was huge for change.

She's crawling, standing, walking along furniture, and interacting with us more and more. I don't think she's too interested in actually walking, but she does love to "walk" with us holding both hands. Don't try to let go of one. She just decides to crawl if you do.

Not so sure how to feel about being laid down on this tablecloth (yes, for real) with a huge silver thing flashing in her face.

She's found her voice! She babbles, squawks, says "bahbahbah, mamama, puhpuhpuh, and continues to pop her lips together. She enjoys whatever her sister is doing, and follows her around unless Josie goes just a little too fast. A lot of times, she plays in her room in the morning while I run around getting things ready for the day. She'll make her way down the hallway and can get about halfway before she needs some assistance. She's so cute sitting in that long empty hallway, always with a huge smile like "look at how far I got this time!" With so much more room to move around in our new house, she's always extra tired by nap or bedtime. I love it.

Audrey is a great eater. She loves everything. I cannot think of a single thing that she won't eat. She eats so much real food that her milk intake is less than half. Now it's more for thirst quenching than anything else. She still has a bottle in the early morning (5-6 AM) and one at night, but other than that she just takes sips here and there. It doesn't matter what I try to do to get her to drink more during the day, she doesn't seem to care and is clearly growing plenty.

Her statistics were interesting this month. She jumped from 38% to about 59% for weight. She weighs 18.8 lbs (she gained 3.3 lbs) and her height is 28 inches (she grew 2 inches in three months). She's quickly outgrowing her babyness. My heart hurts a little when I see her act so old and move so quickly, but then it's exciting and I get over it pretty quickly. 

Sleep hasn't changed. She still naps great and wakes up in the early morning for a bottle. I don't mind, so we haven't tried to break this habit. We put her to bed at 7:00 and she gets up around 6:30-7:00 AM. She can sleep through Josie's crazy theatrics at night so we haven't had too many problems. There was a while where we continued trying to put them to bed at the same time, and of course that was craziness. They egged each other on and prolonged falling asleep for hours. Once we had their bedtimes be at different times, bedtime in general went much more smoothly. 

When she's tired, she moves. I said it last month, and I'll say it again, you wouldn't necessarily guess she's tired by this but it is the surest sign that she's ready for bed. She just.can't.keep.still. She has been a little more clingy towards me when she's tired, but generally she's happy to be held or played with by anybody.

She watches what others do closely before reacting. There has been an occasional wave here and there and she loves to have me clap her hands together. We do "so big!" and any time we are singing, she's in heaven. 

We are definitely out of the 3-6 month range of clothes. With that growth spurt, she's a solid 6-9 month and we haven't really tried anything bigger since the seasons haven't changed. I'm curious to see if she'll jump up in size again since she's gearing up to walk or if that will make her more lean like it did with Josie. 

This girl just makes my heart so happy. Those baby blues and toothy smiles are so sweet and kind of heart stopping. We are so thankful to have her with us, and life is better now than ever before.

Seriously, though, look at that face! So adorable in all her babyness.

No photo shoot is complete with out some big sister action.

And the comparison.

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