Wednesday.

If somebody told me that it was just discovered that string cheese caused cancer, I think our family would go in to mourning, Josie in particular. That girl eats more string cheese than almost anything else.

My current read (now finished) and breakfast of champions

Josie learned how to "play with my hair" today. Ouch. It hurt then and a little still now. That girl doesn't get how to brush softly. But she loved it!

 

Mess.y.house.

Both girls are sick today. There are a lot of dirty kleenexes (not a real word), half full water bottles (at least they aren't half empty?) and crying girls around here. Hold me now, it's going to be a long day. To top it off, we're (the girls and I without the husband) are travelling tomorrow and we might not survive each other. It might be rough.

GUESS WHAT! Two days successful of tracking my WW points. I'm proud of it so can you at least pretend to be impressed? Also, I tried on new Brooks Adrenaline shoes. They were new in that they were date-wise new, but they were the exact same shoes as what I use currently except half a size bigger. And tada! They are so much better. I wish I would have bought them right away but instead I said "I'll think about it" and now have to figure out how I will find time to go back and get them today. It just seemed crazy to me that the same shoe only newer (mine aren't that worn out, I thought) and slightly bigger could make such a huge difference. It became crystal clear after I went home in my old shoes and immediately felt pain in the points on my foot that have been causing problems. It was like getting smacked in the forehead. 

Girlfriend needs a brush.

It's summer and we are never outside. It's so much work to get both girls ready with everything they need and by the time we get outside, one of them needs something so we all have to go back in. My heart is so sad about this. Also, cannot wait to say goodbye to the bilevel house with the steps that force you up up up just to get the smallest thing, meaning that all of us get to come in every single time something is missing because I don't want to be that mom that leaves her kids unattended in the yard two steps from the door. It's a rough life over here.

I post these next photos in spite of the tired eyes and double chins. We like to have fun even when we're covered in snot...

  

How'd you like those lovely random pictures? Gotta keep it interesting over here.

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The start (again)

We spent the weekend at the lake, enjoying family, humid and rainy weather, a fun festival in the park nearby, and of course, food. Lots and lots of food.

And the number on the scale is showing it. Once again, I am basically starting over, feeling awful about myself and questioning my motives, attitude, and strength. What am I trying to accomplish? Why is this the one huge (so huge) thing in my life that never seems to go right? 

In a desperate attempt to right these wrongs, I signed up for Weight Watchers (online) again. This would be my...fourth?...time actively using it and I have my doubts, but at the same time, I am kind of excited. You know how it goes, you get all geared up and ready to just beat this and  shed the pounds and have all kinds of plans (I'm great at coming up with plans, just not executing them apparently) and spreadsheets and meal plans and...well you get the idea. So here I am, starting over again, weight about 5 lbs higher than before (!!) and ready to commit yet again. As I told my mom this weekend, what good would it do to just quit trying? Even if I am trying and failing over and over, at least I'm still trying. 

I so desperately wish I had a good friend to do this with, to talk through the hard days and moments immediately as they happened instead of blogging about it later. That's not an option at this point, which makes this seem a bit overwhelming. Doing it alone scares me and I can already see a few huge challenges coming up this week since the girls and I will be visiting friends and family at the end of the week for five days. I fail miserably when not at home on my set schedule, so having that obstacle right at the start of this seems ridiculously scary. 

But I can do this, right? I can see results, make changes, succeed, meet the goals. 

It hit me the other day, as I recounted another bad dream to my husband that put him in a bad light, that my insecurities about my body and weight are affecting so much more than I realize. Subconsciously, I am scared of so many things happening because of how I view myself. Rejection from him, my friends, my family and even strangers, feeling unworthy, feeling the judgement, not being able to keep up to my kids, passing it on to them, this love of food and poor choices that will give them a lifelong struggle that could be avoided. It terrifies me, yet doesn't motivate me enough to make the changes. You know what that is? Sin. Straight up sin. The laziness, fear, cowardliness, and lack of self will is evident in every picture I see of myself or when I feel yet another injury on my over worked body(from the extra weight, not my work outs).

One thing for my to grasp, my tiny silver lining in this, is that God is using this to humble me in a huge way. As mentioned in other posts, I am a perfectionist, and my lack of control here brings me back down in a huge way. This really is not something I can do alone. This is not something that I can master and manipulate. I am at the mercy of my Lord, and I need to keep that in my mind, right in the front, more than anything.

I know it sounds harsh, like I am figuratively beating myself up, but sometimes that is what is needed, to be shaken out of a stupor, brought back to reality. 

Today I start again. Join me in prayer and cheers of support, won't you? God knows (for real) that I will need it.


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Quick post

My foot is driving me crazy. I tried to find a picture showing exactly where it is hurting and I can't even find that. The best way to describe the location is that it is more on the top than the bottom and is closer to the outside than the inside. Clear as day, right? My friend who is also a physical therapist briefly tried to help me out the other day (informal setting, not at her work) and we never really did figure out what it was. I'm just about ready to go in for a legit consultation with her because it's just not improving. I got some new shoes for daily use, have avoided running heavily, have tried to stay off of it more in general, iced it (kind of felt good at the time but didn't last) and even soaked it in Epsom salt. What is going on here??

I guess it could be a stress fracture or possibly another form of tendinitis. My tendons generally hate me and love to act up so that wouldn't surprise me, but if I jump to conclusions and treat it as tendinitis while it is a stress fracture, I could do more damage than good.

Anyway.

Tonight.... TONIGHT I get to see the Avett Brothers perform live in my very own city. I never thought that would happen as most of the bands I like don't make it to small mid western towns, but it's happening. It's going to be great.



This weekend is a big one with a lot of family, time at the lake (why foot why must you hurt when I could be running in the splendid beauty of lake country?) and of course the traveling that comes with it. That means I need to get it together somehow and pack every little thing. No time for forgetting essentials like swimming suits and underwear! (Both have happened. I'm not proud of it.)

Girly girl just woke up so off I go!


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Our 4th of July weekend

On the 4th, we went to Bonanzaville where there was a parade and a whole lot of "old stuff" to look at. It's pretty awesome that we have this little historical site to check out right in our city. I had also run that 5k in the morning which also took place here.

Daddy was thrilled to explain every little thing about every little tractor, car, or train that went by. The parade consisted of some of the old vehicles that Bonanzaville has so of course he took full advantage.

Audrey was more impressed with the true signs of patriotism all around. She waved her flag proudly.

We headed out to the lake the next day and the weather was perfect. Spending time in the sun with family is pretty much the best we could ask for! I finally took some pictures of the property and not just the kids. When we drive in, we get this awesome secluded-from-the-world feeling because the trees hide the driveway perfectly.

As you turn the corner (not far off the road but tucked down and back a little ways so you aren't driving hardly at all before you get to the house but still feel far away from the busy highway) you get an awesome view with the house straight ahead and the lake right off to the side.

There is nothing like the feeling you get when you open the doors of the vehicle and step out. It's shady yet breezy enough to keep most bugs off, and the sun manages to slip in just the right amount. Seriously, I don't know if it's the angle of the property off the lake, the trees, or just our imaginations, but it's wonderful. A gift from God for sure.

Josie got to go on another boat ride, this time with mommy and daddy and daddy's boat. We've hardly used this poor boat since we got it, so we tried to make up for it at least a little. Although it was pretty late for Josie girl, we headed out to a lake nearby that was a little bigger with a public access location. It was a lot of fun, even though we weren't sure that we were going to get off the lake when the motor just quit part of the way through our ride. It came back to life, though, and we did make it safely home. I managed to keep smiling and not show any sign of panic and for that I am quite proud.

We also got to go strawberry picking. We did this last year too but this time around we had to battle the rain. Interesting experience, picking strawberries as fast as you can so you can run out of there to avoid the downpour. We didn't avoid it, by the way. Not even close. But we didn't mind so much since Josie loved it again. She ate a lot of them and maybe put two in the bucket. She probably took at least five out of the bucket too...

Here she is last year:

And this year:

We didn't mess around this time. Straight up body-suit bib so she could eat as many as she wanted without staining a single piece of clothing. Brilliant move, Grammy. 

"Can we ride da boat plleeeeeease?" Who can say no to that? Off we went on another boat ride the next day...

Hubby managed to get our boat in the small lake my parents live on which is no small feat since there is no public access and the shores are quite shallow. Proof! (See below).

We also just spent some time playing quietly indoors because the humidity level sky rocketed. Ick. Josie and I had yet another tea party and she took care of her only-at-the-lake daughter "Ida". Seriously, though. Still loving that name for her baby. She's a clever one, that Josie.

And finally, Josie and I finished out the weekend with a walk through our own enchanted forest. The area around my parents' lake home is full of trees in undeveloped lakeside property. My dad has lovingly created walking paths throughout it so that we can go on adventures around the lake and not just on the highway. It's awesome! Except the mosquitoes which are everywhere. I shudder just thinking about them. Have I mentioned that there is something about me that draws them directly to me? I do. It's awful. Anyway, we walked through, me braving the bugs while Josie seemed unaffected. She didn't even have any bite marks while I was covered in welts. I digress again, though, because what I meant to point out was that this is such a cool path and I actually took pictures along the way.

the entrance

*I apologize for the wonky font sizes. What is up with that, blogger?*

 

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