Crazy

I'm not kidding when I tell you this girl is crazy busy. She just goes around in circles all over the room leaving a path of destruction behind her that keeps growing and growing. I try to jump in to distract her or lessen the damage, but it's to no avail. She is determined and persistent. It's hilarious.

What's that? Do something with that in-her-eyes hairstyle? I'm trying, I'm trying...!

I loooove the squishy face smile.

She often turns off the TV which I should probably take to mean we don't really need it on. She's so smart.

Can we just talk about how this is my favorite outfit that she owns right now? I'm a fan of the long shirts with leggings, and it works for her too. There's no belly showing (for her either heh heh) and it's easy to crawl around since there is no knee exposed or uncomfortable waisband.

With all body parts covered but still the high end fashion look, who isn't impressed?

BTW - J is officially eight months old! I'll have her photo and update post ready sometime this weekend.

One last confession

I haven't been honest with you lately.

I quit Weight Watchers. I was fed up with the limited recipes and since I don't have the iPhone like everyone else on the planet, I don't have the accessibility to look each thing up. That's an excuse though. I work at a computer all day and can access one at home all the time. Really, I was too lazy to put the time in. I'm so sick of confessing how lazy I am - but it's the truth. Maybe I'll start saying busy instead. Better, right?

I'm using My Fitness Pal instead since it is free. Plus calorie information is on everything. Points are not. It is easier to follow, and it tells you how much you'll lose in 5 weeks if you keep it up. That is motivating, let me tell you.

But the bottom line with all of this is that it doesn't matter what App I'm using. It doesn't matter if I'm using it online or writing it down on paper (like I'd ever take the time to do that!). If I'm not truly committed, it won't do it for me.

I'm not truly committed.
It pains me to admit it.

I am committed only most of the time, and it's that small portion of time that blows it. That time when my will power disintegrates and all I can think about is immediate satisfaction.

The dumbest foods completely set me off. Tortilla chips. Fudgesicles. Chocolate Chips (true story - I would eat them by the handful if it's all that is around). It's bad.

I'm sure it's like an addiction, but I don't even want to go there because there are real addictions out there that are ruining people and who am I to say that this is even in the same ballpark? The truth is I am being busy lazy. I've developed habits that I'm not willing to break.

And that 10K that I'm supposed to be training for? I can come up with ever excuse in the book. My next attempt to be successful on the dreadmill (see what I did there?) is to listen to a book while running. I think I also just need to tell myself that the option is not available to stop. I know I can do it but mind over body is a lot easier to talk about than to actually apply and overcome.

Sick of hearing this stuff over and over again? I'm sorry; I forget to post the good things too. It's hard to remember to do that because those days with real successes seem to be few and far between. But I've done it before and I can do it again.

Bad hair day? There's always this solution.

While some days seem to leave no other options than this...

Josie says there is always another cuter, more fashionable (for an eight month old) option.

The perfect model.

Side swept bangs, so IN right now.

Big eyes to complete the look.

Perfect girl all around makes any hairstyle look good.

She looks so old when she gives me her toothless grin like that. 

Comments

There is this blog I read. She's a girl struggling with her weight but still trying to truly live her life. She's brutally honest and insightful and points out the obvious thoughts that never occur to me until I see it written down by her.

Because of her honesty, she gets some negative feedback. Did I say some? She gets a lot of negative feedback. So me being the fighter that I am commented back on one of them saying something to the effect of "Why do you aim to hurt? Rude." And the comments that came after that aimed at me? I was called a hypocrite (amongst other not nice things) and told that my momma should be slapped for raising me to be so close minded. what the what??

How is that better and not inappropriate than my response to the first negative commenter? The post in discussion was so honest and really was quite brutal. But it was more about her than anyone else. It was about her struggles and insecurity. She kept everything anonymous and did not make it even a little bit obvious about who she was referring to.

The whole reason I bring this up is because my heart hurts so much when I see this kind of stuff. I find that it is hard to not want to lash out with a quick, sharp tongue but I am also aware that it will do no good.

Why are people so brave behind their computer screens and keyboards and anonymous names? I am fortunate that I have not run into a lot of this negativity with my little (loved so much by me) blog. Mostly because I don't have a lot of followers. I have had a few comments, though, that were hurtful or inappropriate. I delete them when I see them, but the damage is done. It's hard to not take it seriously, not wince when you read them and think about it all day.

So for those out there that are reading anonymously: I'm okay with that, but I would rather that you just followed me publicly or commented now and again because the blog is open for a reason. I assume there are people that I may have known a long time ago reading. I can understand being anonymous. I will even admit that there are a few blogs I am following privately because a.) I am too lazy to switch it and b.) I know them through someone and feel like its creepy to follow them. I suppose that does make me a hypocrite. Fine... I'll have to go change that now.

Anyways, my point in all of this is that most of these little blogs out there consisting mostly of personal, rambling thoughts are not meant to be open forums for hateful words and bashing. Many people journal to figure things out and can grow from it and change opinions often. Should these people not be allowed to do it publicly? Should they be forced to hide it or be verbally attacked? It seems unfair to me.

It's part of the reason I don't put as many personal thoughts and religious/political views out here. I'm afraid to be labeled or viewed a certain way before I'm done thinking, growing, and forming my thoughts, opinions, and views. It's sad to me that I feel that hesitation, that limitation, that invisible wall stopping me from true expression.

Maybe someday I'll overcome this and just say "whatever". But now I have my kid(s) to think about. What will Josie say, twenty years from now, reading through this and seeing the negative comments? Will she get a new view about me and think I am ridiculous? Will she be hurt for me? It is just a lot to think about, isn't it?