Because it's been forever (1 of 2)

I haven't updated on the girls in ... well, who knows how long. Things are so different with them now that I really feel the need to write it down so I don't forget.

Josie. 



Josie, josie josie. This girl is a character. She never stops talking and the things she says (you can read some of them here) are hilarious. Now look. I know that toddlers say funny things; they are known for that. But Josie-girl, she says funny things. I also know that I'm biased but she is just a little entertainer. She is absolutely full of life. 

Many a morning I will stumble come out of my bedroom to find her happily sitting (in the dark) in the living room with something she isn't supposed to have in hand. She greets me with a "good morning, Mommy!" and grins like it really is just a fantastic morning. Unfortunately, my response almost always is "good morning but what do you have in your hand? Are you supposed to be eating marshmallows/chocolate chips/vitamins for breakfast????" It's not that pretty, that morning version of this surprised and frustrated mama. But I digress.



Josie is pretty much a solid 3T. Her shoe size is between a 7 and 8. She is currently in between growth spurts, something I can tell by how much she eats. While she acts hungry all the time, she truly only eats about a third given to her. Mostly, she just plays with her food or drink happily while the other two inhale it. She eats a balanced diet so I'm not worried about it. Her hair is still baby soft and the flyaways are kind of out of control. It's hard to get it to stay in a ponytail because the flyaways around her face never get long enough to make it all the way to the ponytail. If I try using a clip, it will slip out. It's growing long, but it isn't "kid" hair yet. It's still pretty much baby hair. It's mostly blond but has some darker spots in the under layers. Her blue eyes are darker than her daddy's and sister's. 

There was nothing wrong at the time. She just shows a lot of expression and I happened to capture this little gem.

We're slowly working on letters and numbers, identifying them in books and learning to write them on the black board or with crayons. I'm not too concerned about it because mostly I just want to encourage her imagination and independent play. I really believe that kids need to spend serious time playing, because after all, that is their full-time job. They learn so much from play time. 



Her imagination, speaking of, is just sky rocketing. She is constantly mothering her little teddy bear, talking to her fingers (???), using random objects as people, furniture, etc. It's so fun to see her mind processing as she looks for something to add. This car? What can drive it? I know, my pinky finger. What can I use as the diaper for the bear? I got it, the chair arm cover. Perfect! She's clever, that one.

The other day, she spent like 30 minutes working on the snowman I started and abandoned (to chase after the little sister). She was perfectly content to sit and play by herself. She talked to it, tackled it, built it back up, and happily played right next to it without any whines or complaints. It made me so happy since earlier this year she wouldn't play outside in her snow pants because she would get frustrated from falling over so often. She's grown up so much even in just two months. Ahh! Slow it down, girl!

Notice the (one) heel, the necklace, the messy hair, and the king. Audrey makes a great king (for at least two minutes).

Her most favorite things right now are ballet and princesses. At this point, they are the same. She mixes the two worlds together into a dancing, high heeled, ball room attired little lady. I love it. She puts on her dress up clothes almost every day and prances around. Any book about a ballerina is her current favorite and she constantly asks me if her doll/baby/bear can do ballet with her. While I love that she plays with trucks and cars, I love the girly side of her too. What's really cool is that since we try to emphasize both sides equally, it is truly her choice and decision what she prefers. Seeing her character and personality shine through is just starting and is really fun.

Let's see, let's see. I know I'm missing a lot.

She is so affectionate. Considering that she used to push us away so that she could explore and run around all the time, I think hubby and I are extra big push overs when it comes to the hugs and kisses. She will tell us that she loves us on her own all the time, offers hugs, kisses, and "cuddles," and will happily sit on our laps to read a story for as long as we are willing. Our busy girl has evened out a little and now her energy is more divided mentally and physically. 



Josie Grace's gross motor skills (larger movements like walking, crawling, jumping, etc) have always been dominant. She is known to plow forward without thinking it through entirely. At this stage as a toddler, she often ends up frustrated, but she's learning how to keep going and not quit in anger and she is still ready to jump in head first almost all of the time. It's fun to see her be adventurous when it comes to new things, and thankfully she doesn't do things that are super dangerous. 

Here's an example. When Josie first saw the lake and found out that we were going to go in it, she just plowed right in. There was no "gee I wonder how to do this" or "what else is in this water?" It was just, "looks fun! I'm going in!" Now of course we were with her so when she plummeted under water immediately, we picked her up and she learned that being under water can be kind of scary. She chilled out after that initial tumble and we could step back a bit more. But generally speaking, the first time we do something new with her, we have to watch her closely and explain the dangers or rules verbally as she's doing it. She just gets excited to get started.



She's always been pretty good at the bigger things (walking at 9 months, running, jumping, swinging, sliding, coloring on huge paper) but the fine motor skills take a little more work. She's not behind in that area, but it isn't as much of a strength as the gross motor skills. 

I just love her so much. She's kind, compassionate, sweet, bossy, a strong leader (already), and sassy. She keeps us on our toes and makes us laugh all of the time.

Foster Care Knowledge

I've learned a thing or two about foster care. This may be the only post I write about this, or it may be more like a series. One thing I really want you to know: Please ask me questions if you think of something! I am so so open to talking about it. There are things that have to be kept private for his and his bio family's sake, but our side of it is ours to tell. If you have questions or just want to discuss something, please don't hesitate. Shoot me a a comment, email, text, call, or ask me in person. I think it's important for people to be aware of the ups and downs that go with it. Being educated about foster care doesn't seem to be the norm, so if I can help with that even a little, I'm happy to. 

1. Nothing happens as fast as you want it to. Most kids come into the system with emotional and/or physical issues to work out and therapy is often needed. There are resources from a lot of different areas (state, medical, county, etc) but each one is set up differently and it can be messy getting it all set up. We're over two months in and still haven't had any of those be successfully set up or started. On top of that, we aren't really the ones who do any of it, so we have no idea what is going. Which leads me to my next point.

2. There are a lot of communication barriers or issues that are out of our hands. I have had to personally call and ask what feel like ridiculous questions to get answers I assumed were obvious to give me. Generally, I've learned that if I don't ask, I won't find out. I have heard that it depends on who you are working with in the system, but my general experience is that nobody thinks that the foster parents need to know anything. I mean, we're only raising this child practically on our own, right? This child that we just met that has baggage and a personality and a heart that is probably very fragile? Why would we need to know things like what his or her life was like before? Or what is going on now? Or how long he or she will be here? This kind of information is not a guarantee. On top of all of that, because the foster parent is not the legal guardian, the schools, counselors, and doctors don't want to disclose any information, even if it is something that is vital for the foster parent to know while interacting with the child. There is always a middle man or woman. Always.

2. People don't always react the way you'd expect them to. I've been shocked a handful of times by who is warm and welcoming towards him and who is not at all. I've learned to not expect anything positive, as depressing as that sounds. When a negative reaction is what we are left to deal with, I spend about 95% of the time doing damage control. I don't think people realize that he has feelings and that he can pick up on the nonverbal communication a whole lot more than anybody would expect. As soon as I feel that hesitancy, that cold vibe or stare from someone, I try to immediately divert his attention or keep him as close to me as possible. My efforts only go so far, though, because he is as receptive to all of it as I am. It is so hard to be in those situations. In once sense, I don't blame the person who is acting cold towards him, because it is the unknown and he or she is most likely very uncomfortable. That being said, it isn't acceptable to treat a child negatively just because you are uncomfortable. Let me say that again, slightly rephrased. It is not acceptable to treat a child differently or coolly just because you are uncomfortable. 

3. There will be streaks of good days and then the worst days ever all back to back. Just when I think we've got this down and we are in a good place, things get so, so bad. It isn't just with our lfb. Sometimes he's just an angel and it's one of the girls pushing every button or going through something difficult. Just when I think I can't do it anymore and maybe this isn't right for us and blah blah blah, the next day will be amazing. And so will the day after that, and the day after that. Life is so unpredictable and it can be tiring. The roller coaster we are on is what pushes us to really keep leaning on Jesus. For real. 

4. Each child is completely different, no matter how many similarities they may seem to have. Having a 3 year old, a 2 year old, and a 1 year old all under the same roof leads to unintentional comparing and I have had to really watch myself when it comes to expectations. As parents of young kids, we're constantly being told to teach the ABC's, counting, independent skills like getting dressed, feeding themselves, etc. Each kid learns these things at different paces and it doesn't mean that one is smarter or brighter than the other. This one can be tough when it comes to other people's observations. It's easy to make assumptions based on one or two interactions, but honestly, assumptions don't mean jack. It's frustrating to hear people give their "very educated" opinion like they just know more about this kid than we do. Maybe part of it is that I'm constantly saying, "we don't know because we are still getting to know him," that maybe that provides an invitation to tell me about this kid, even though they have spent less than 5 hours total with the lfb. I know I sound sarcastic and sassy, but it is a problem we run into on a semi-regular basis. It pushes buttons.

5. A child can work his way into your heart without you even knowing it. Let's be honest here. It's hard to love a kid that you don't know at all. Sure, sympathy is there. Empathy is there. Compassion is there. Jesus is there, along with his love. But my own love? That isn't something that I can turn on and off like a light switch. It takes time to love someone that you've just met. I've always known this, but it is even more evident now. There are many different ways to love someone. I have no name for the type of love I have for this lfb, but it is there. He is a sweet, smiley (for those of you that have known him but haven't spent a ton of time with him yet, I bet that one surprises you! :)), goofy, quiet, loud, hesitant, brave and complex boy. We haven't a clue what the future will hold with him and with us, but at this point, I'm so thankful that he is in our lives.

A Tribute: For My Grandpa

This morning, my grandpa finally gave in and breathed his last. He fought so hard for his life. My mom has said more than once that he was living on borrowed time, and it really did seem like it. He had multiple heart attacks and eventually lost the function of his kidneys. As time went on, his pain level sky rocketed and he fought for even a few minutes of peace, even if that was all he'd get in a day or week. It was painful for all of us, to see him suffering, but of course we are all sad that he is no longer here with us too. It's hard to put into words, this mixture of emotions. Instead, I'll just recall some of my favorite things about him.

He always had a word of advice. Don't be mistaken, though, he wasn't that crazy old man that thought he knew everything. His advice was good. If he was telling you something that could potentially help you out, you listened. He just knew a little bit about everything. 

He genuinely cared about what was going on in our lives. When my life was all about diapers and feedings and nap schedules, he would reminisce about the struggles and laughs they had as young parents. He was never above any topic of discussion. He just loved to chat.

He really, truly loved my grandma. I rarely saw him tear up, but he did on multiple occasions when it came to her life, well being, and health. I know that he fought so hard to live, even with the huge amount of pain he had, because he was worried about her life after he was gone. Their marriage showed me what true companionship is like. They were together since their twenties, and really only knew life together. It was and is inspiring. I have huge prayers for my grandma now, living this life without him. She's a strong woman, stronger than she probably gets credit for, but it doesn't mean that it will be easy for her. 

He was a pretty great grandpa. My mom often said that he was a lot softer as a grandpa than he was as a father, as is most often the case. He loved to have babies sitting on his lap and would listen to our stories and songs with a huge grin on his face. For being a "tough old farmer", he told me he loved me and was proud of me more times than I can remember, and always encouraged us with our passions and dreams even if he didn't understand or completely agree with them. 

He was a stubborn old farmer :). My memory of him from when I was younger was of a tough broad shouldered man with a hat on his head and a toothpick in his mouth. He'd come in from working hard in the field or in the work shed, hands stained with oil, knuckles swollen from years of hard manual work and eat up whatever Grandma had ready for him. Lunch time always included discussions about this and that (mostly with my uncle, his only son and business partner) and a good solid nap afterward before he got back to work in the afternoon. It wasn't until he retired from farming that I saw him sit back and relax a bit. He was always busy with something, though. Growing up, I'm sure there was something in every room that he had made for me as a Christmas or birthday present. He was a self-taught handy man.

He loved to make bread. He would make bread and give it to my mom since he would end up with too much. He absolutely loved fresh fruits and vegetables and trust me, you knew how he felt about poorly cooked meat. He made sure that everyone knew. There was no reason in the world to cook it poorly and he just couldn't wrap his head around why anybody would do it.

He and my grandma always made a point to come to as many concerts or events as they could for my mom, sister, and myself. They only lived a half hour away from us, so we saw them quite often. Many a holiday was spent out at their farm and we'd stay overnight out there while mom and dad, the teachers, started up work again (the week before our school started). Memories of sitting on their screened-in porch are plentiful. Fresh corn on the cob, apples, and tomatoes were enjoyed. Riding bike on the driveway and swinging on the tire swing was a regular thing. He was always around, working on this or that, and I can just picture him with his "Hiya, Sarah!" and big grin on his face, slowly making his way back to the house to sit down for a bit before finding another big project to work on.

I think what I will always remember most is the time we spent together by my grandma's hospital bed as she slept or did her therapy. We would sit there for hours and I would drill him about anything and everything to do with his past. At first, he just gave me generic, short answers. I dug in, though, because I'm a history nerd and love to hear about the details. Eventually, I proved to him that I was truly interested and he went on for hours with how he got his farm land, how he met my grandma, how their lives were as newlyweds and young parents, and much more. His favorite thing by far, though, was to tell me all the horror stories of their problems with rodents, particularly snakes. You see, my phobia of snakes (it is so bad... so so bad) most likely started out at their farm. Once he learned this, he just had to tell me about all the different incidents that occurred with those dreadful snakes, mice, and bats. I was horrified, and he laughed at my expense for longer than I thought was necessary. Now, though, I'm grateful for the memory of getting to know my grandpa even more. It was worth it.

That is my perspective. I'm sure that my cousins, aunts, and uncles would have many things to add, would maybe say, "No way, that's not how I remember him!" but that is what I think of when I remember my grandpa.

I miss him. I cried more than I thought I would and keep having these memories flashing through my mind. He was a big part of my life, probably more so than I've given him credit for. I'm thankful for the years we had with him, and that I was able to see him at Christmas time, knowing that it might be the last time.

A few pictures that I dug up of him (thank you to my cousins who I hope don't mind me copying these from facebook pages):

The next few are at my wedding. We were so excited to get married at Phelp's Mill, a historic park that isn't far from their home. They would bring their kids here when they were young and had many great memories that they would share with us. At the time, we were concerned with my grandma's health more than his. He was doing pretty well, but my grandma had just a stroke that she wasn't expected to recover from . He was so strong as she leaned on him all through her recovery (which was nothing short of miraculous). These pictures mean the world to me.

Grandma insisted on standing in these pictures, even though it was hard for her. Grandpa had his cane, which he later traded in for an electric wheelchair. This seems so long ago! A lot can change in 4 1/2 years.

My grandpa absolutely loved and respected my hubby. Grandpa was always asking what he was working on now and truly loved to have a good long conversation about the different challenges and techniques my hubby was doing with his various jobs (a contractor who mostly builds high end decks, there are always problems arising and being solved around here).

This particular visit, he insisted on holding squirmy Josie, who was only about 5 1/2 months old. Amazingly, she sat on his lap for almost the entire visit, something she never did for anyone. He made faces at her and tickled her with that huge grin on his face, and she just loved it. I loved it too. He was such an awesome grandpa (and great-grandpa). 

Fishing was a huge passion in his life. I only went with him a few times, which is funny because of all of the things I like and don't like about the outdoors, I really do enjoy fishing. I just never went with him. My cousins, on the other hand, went with him all the time. This picture has been passed around for years, because he was sooooo proud of it. He was always so proud of his grandchildren. None of us ever doubted that. Whether it was for graduating high school, community college or university, joining the army, starting a family, catching a huge fish, performing a voice or instrumental solo, or even learning to crotchet, he was always proud.

Just a mom and pop with their kiddos. ;)

At the lake, another celebration with his family. I think that the lake became one of his favorite places on earth as he got older. Besides his farm, which he would tell me about in great detail, how much he loved the rolling hills, trees, the river, how perfect his land was, etc, my parents' lake place was a true joy for him. He absolutely loved the scenery and fresh air. Nothing made him happier in the last few years.

Celebrating Christmas last year. Audrey was only about 3 weeks old. As always, he was thrilled to hold her and take in all her baby goodness. I'm sure he held her for close to an hour as she happily dozed in his arms.

Celebrating his 85th birthday with his family. Grandma is holding Audrey who is only about 3 months old.

These two were like two peas in a pod. A father and his only son, business partners, best friends. They were always together. 

This is the last time I saw him, celebrating Christmas just a couple of weeks ago. He looks pretty great in this picture considering how much pain he was in. I'm proud of him for always putting on a happy face for us even though he didn't feel like it. He truly loved his family!

Josie says

The tv in the background: "Tell someone you love them..."

Me: Josie, can you tell someone you love them? Do you love your mama?
Josie: I love my mama!
Me: Who is your mama?
Josie: You're my mama!
Me: I get to be your mama??
Josie: I get a chocolate chip! (chocolate chips are used as incentive for potty related business around here)

We almost had a sweet moment there...



Sitting on the couch under a big blanket, talking to our lfb (little foster boy) - 
Josie: Get up here! Get up here on the couch so we can lay!

Hopefully she has innocent intentions! They are only three and two years old after all.



Hubby sneezes, a couple of feet away from Josie with his mouth covered....
Josie: Don't bless on me!
Hubby: I didn't.
Josie: Don't bless on me with that color.
Hubby: ??
A couple of minutes later...
Josie: So. Don't bless your color out! (while shaking her head)



At the dinner table, goofing around while she's supposed to be eating...
Josie: Where'd you go? Where are you, baddo (shadow)?? There you are! Are you on the table? Are you on the wall? Where'd you go, baddo?"
Hubby (to me): Earlier, she was asking her fingers what they are doing...
Josie (who of course heard what daddy said): Yeeeeeeeee!

Who knows...



Talking to her little teddy bear...
Josie: Did you go potty on the bed sweetheart? (I never call her sweetheart, it's usually just sweetie. She came up with that one on her own)
Josie: What do you want my sweetheart boy? I know you want to look at yourself on there. I have to go bring you to the potty.
Me: No, you can use a pretend potty in here.
Josie: But my bear has to go potty! She puts the bear on a toy table from her dollhouse. I will watch you go to sleep. I'm going to close the door. You cannot come in the bedroom, Mom. I'm going to open the door and go out. Meanwhile, the bear is sleeping on the table covered up with the huge afghan blanket we keep in the living room. He stays there for a good 20 minutes before she remembers him. She's not the most responsible mommy quite yet.