Loneliness and 2/7

As I sit down to write this post, my mind is blank yet racing all at the same time trying to think of something worthy of writing, recording, remembering. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself in all kinds of areas. This little blog has managed to avoid my perfectionist nature for the most part and I desperately want to keep it that way. It's so easy to get caught up in numbers, stats, the desire to be "popular" or "liked." I don't write to impress people or make friends. I write because it is something I enjoy and it's the easiest way for me to get my thoughts out there, for myself and family. I write about the girls a lot, what I'm doing, what is important to me. Those things are great, but sometimes I just want to write. So today, I googled "writing prompts" and looked for something to inspire me. I found some here. 


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Today's Writing Prompt: Loneliness

Loneliness can happen anywhere, a crowded room or an empty one. How do you combat it? 

I'm not generally a lonely person. I like being around people, sure, but also enjoy having alone time. I've only experienced true loneliness a few times in my life. 

Growing up, I spent time alone happily playing quietly, reading books, doing homework, listening to music. I didn't mind being alone. As I grew up, I enjoyed spending time with my friends and became more and more social. Eventually, I had boyfriends that occupied my time, so I didn't have much time truly "alone" that wasn't consumed with school, work, friends, or family. When I went to college, I struggled to make friends along with everyone else. I didn't feel like I was in the right place, so I started the process of transferring back to my hometown community college to save money until I figured it out. I also ended a relationship that had been too serious, too intense, not in God's plan. That was the first time that I felt true loneliness. I was in between stages in my life, in between new friends and old, single for the first time in years, and moving back home after so many friends had moved on. It was painful but I grew more than I could have imagined. So many of my life lessons came from that period of my life. I look back at it with clear memories of different events and days, those memories stronger than other times in my life because of their impact. 

There are other forms of loneliness, though, that I experience off and on. Even though I am not alone in the literal sense, I still experience it. I spend most of my days with a newly talking two year old and eight month old baby that doesn't say more than "mamamama." My conversations revolve around bathroom talk, what to eat, the ABCs, and childhood books. My chatty husband works hard for long hours every day and is tired when he gets home. A lot of the time, I can be surrounded by strangers, acquaintances, even friends and other children and still feel that hint of loneliness. 

I can't say that this lonely feeling is necessarily a bad thing for me to feel and work through. These moments always bring me back to my creator, reminding me that I am never truly alone. I am reminded to enjoy the moments of true family time, enjoy the moments of baby and toddler days, enjoy the adult conversations I have that much more. I am reminded to be in the moment of interactions and conversations, to not take them for granted. I am reminded to enjoy being in my own company, to enjoy the quiet, to enjoy the stillness. 

Sometimes my heart does hurt. Sometimes I do feel that tug of want, to be around others, to feel outward love, to feel connected. Those moments pass and for that I am grateful. Sometimes, good does come out of feeling lonely. I just have to remember that when the moment is upon me.  

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I'm getting my inspiration to post every day from Jennifer over at Conversion Diary.There are a bunch of other bloggers linking up so feel free to read those too!



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